Another fine mess you've gotten me into.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

If anyone at my funeral has a long face, I'll never speak to him again.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be led.

Another fine mess you've gotten me into.

A friend once asked me what comedy was. That floored me. What is comedy? I don't know. Does anybody? Can you define it? All I know is that I learned how to get laughs, and that's all I know about it. You have to learn what people will laugh at, then proceed accordingly.

All I know is just how to make people laugh.

Anyone who thinks 'Modern Times' has got a big message is just putting it there himself. Charlie knew that the pressures of modern life and factory life would be good for a lot of laughs, and that's why he did the film - not because he wanted to diagnose the industrial revolution.

Babe and I are both great television fans, and we've been planning to do something on TV. But we certainly never intended to start out on an unrehearsed network show!

Humor is the truth; wit is an exaggeration of the truth.

I don't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with Charles Chaplin.

If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again!

It's the one with that panel of ultra-chichi folks. The one called 'What's My Line?' It sends me straight up the wall. I call it 'The Snob Family.'

My only opinion on the L&H 'home movie' situation - I regret we have no financial interest in them.

Personally, I think the silent films were more effective for L&H, but the sound was of great value in enhancing the effects - dialog eliminated a lot of action & sight gags - I always feel that 'action' speaks louder than words.

Sight gags had to be planned; they required timing and mechanics. Occasionally, spontaneity would arise in the shooting of the scenes.

We did have a script, but it didn't consist of the routines and gags. It outlined the basic story idea and just a plan for us to follow. But when it came to each scene, we and the gagmen would work out ideas.

We had friendly and pleasant relationships with all that worked in our films - many happy memories.

We never dealt with satire or suggestive material. Although some of our films were broad parodies or burlesques of popular dramatic themes, there was no conscious attempt at being either sarcastic or offensive.

What business do we have telling people who to vote for? They probably know more about it than we do.

If any of you cry at my funeral Ill never speak to you again

I envision the script as a story in my mind, memorize the entire thing and have it play out. It helps me figure out where my character needs to go.

Some of the worlds most effective thoughts happen over a brew of mornings coffee

Karate is not about techniques and their execution, but about boldness, integrity and fight for justice and common good.

Music is my sport, and I'm the number-one athlete.

I think it's good for a woman to put on a bit of weight when she gets older - it looks better. But a man has to stay balanced.

I used to say that 'happy' was like 'lucky,' kind of imaginary. But now that I'm married and have children, I find that happiness is a real space.

Unlike the urban development that I see taking over and swallowing up our precious soil, when we interact with our environment in a way that allows for regeneration and natural spaces, the outcome can be beautiful.

I get very tired of violence in crime fiction. Maybe it is what life is like, but I don't want to do it in my books.

I tell myself time heals. It really does.

When I was a little girl at school, I really wanted to be Katie or Sarah or Sophie. When you're a little girl at school, you want to be like the other little girls.

I really believe in giving tools and resources to other creators so that they can create beautiful videos.

Education has failed in a very serious way to convey the most important lesson science can teach: skepticism.

Where destruction is the motive, unity is dangerous. For example, if I have evil intent and I galvanize that evil intent with many others, the capacity to destroy is immense. Where goodness is the motive, unity is phenomenal and actually has some good issues to it.

I'm a huge candy fan. My favorite growing up was always Sour Belts or Sour Straws.

You can't always get someone where you want to with just sticks. There have to be some carrots, there have to be some other shaping things.

The future has never been something that I've been able to plan. Every time I try - I don't care if it's three or four days ahead or a week ahead - it just doesn't pan out.

The true character of liberty is independence, maintained by force.

Fruits are always of the same nature with the seeds and roots from which they come, and trees are known by the fruits they bear: as a man begets a man, and a beast a beast, that society of men which constitutes a government upon the foundation of justice.

The more we study human nature the less we think of men the more of man.

I wouldn't describe myself as a home run hitter. I'm just trying to hit the ball hard in the gaps. Just backspinning baseballs and hitting line drives.

Some think that holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it's letting go.

Yesterday in this country we had people die of hunger and malnutrition. In some parts of this country, the infant mortality rate rivals that of sub-Saharan Africa. We have a public education system that ranks below that of almost any other Western nation.

There are two kinds of diamonds in this world The diamond itself and the eyes full of love

I get so many questions in interviews about feminism, and I think the second you start separating femininity and masculinity and giving one more power than the other, that's like - everyone is a person.