Another fine mess you've gotten me into.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

If anyone at my funeral has a long face, I'll never speak to him again.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be led.

Another fine mess you've gotten me into.

A friend once asked me what comedy was. That floored me. What is comedy? I don't know. Does anybody? Can you define it? All I know is that I learned how to get laughs, and that's all I know about it. You have to learn what people will laugh at, then proceed accordingly.

All I know is just how to make people laugh.

Anyone who thinks 'Modern Times' has got a big message is just putting it there himself. Charlie knew that the pressures of modern life and factory life would be good for a lot of laughs, and that's why he did the film - not because he wanted to diagnose the industrial revolution.

Babe and I are both great television fans, and we've been planning to do something on TV. But we certainly never intended to start out on an unrehearsed network show!

Humor is the truth; wit is an exaggeration of the truth.

I don't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with Charles Chaplin.

If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again!

It's the one with that panel of ultra-chichi folks. The one called 'What's My Line?' It sends me straight up the wall. I call it 'The Snob Family.'

My only opinion on the L&H 'home movie' situation - I regret we have no financial interest in them.

Personally, I think the silent films were more effective for L&H, but the sound was of great value in enhancing the effects - dialog eliminated a lot of action & sight gags - I always feel that 'action' speaks louder than words.

Sight gags had to be planned; they required timing and mechanics. Occasionally, spontaneity would arise in the shooting of the scenes.

We did have a script, but it didn't consist of the routines and gags. It outlined the basic story idea and just a plan for us to follow. But when it came to each scene, we and the gagmen would work out ideas.

We had friendly and pleasant relationships with all that worked in our films - many happy memories.

We never dealt with satire or suggestive material. Although some of our films were broad parodies or burlesques of popular dramatic themes, there was no conscious attempt at being either sarcastic or offensive.

What business do we have telling people who to vote for? They probably know more about it than we do.

If any of you cry at my funeral Ill never speak to you again

If the character is true, the movie will fall into place. Or at least that's what you hope.

Mark Horowitz and I built it onto an optical bench in the lab. We spent and eight-hour span putting this optical light path together.

I'm not tryin' to come off as the best lyricist.

I love to know that in all parts of the world, people want me. I need the attention.

I do not donate to any political party.

I spend a lot of time on my music.

I wish I had more of the hero gene, but I don't think I'd be very good at playing one.

I married my college boyfriend, so I've been with him since I was a kid.

When I hear the words 'activist filmmaking,' I think of somebody who's an activist, who wants to prove a particular point.

Being discouraged can cause you to lose hope you need to pick yourself up focus on the positive and find success by taking action you may then find your discouragement fading.

Israel, contrary to most of the West, has a high fertility rate, so there's a lot of young people in Israel. Most families have three kids as opposed to one or two, so a big proportion of the population is under 30.

Once you get rid of the idea that you must please other people before you please yourself, and you begin to follow your own instincts only then can you be successful. You become more satisfied, and when you are other people tend to be satisfied by what you do.

Poetry is necessary, but is the poet?

I love bringing roses to a woman when she least expects it.

Out of fifty mathematical papers presented in brief at such a meeting, it is a rare mathematician indeed who really understands what more than half a dozen are about.

None of us has any personal interest above the interests of the country. Our country is more important than our careers.

Fate is for losers.

This dragonfly came up to me. He was hovering right in front of my face, and I was really examining him, thinking, How does he see me? I became enlightened.

Having loved the Stones all the time I was growing up, I wasn't about to see them go and split up. It got very close to it in the 80s, when Mick thought that Keith hated him and vice versa.

Its been helpful to have so many opportunities to look different so people stop pigeonholing you.

I was 23 years old. It was a wild time. I was covering everything that blew up - blackouts, Studio 54, son of Sam killer, and all of that stuff.

You know, there's chronological age, there's biological age, and there's psychological age. Chronological age, there's nothing you can do about, which is I'm 52. You set that number aside.

The shiny red color of the soles has no function other than to identify to the public that they are mine. I selected the color because it is engaging, flirtatious, memorable, and the color of passion.

I don't think there will ever be a permanent truce, but I believe the media needs to be more careful and be willing to count to 10 before rushing on the air or into print.