I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.

The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.

The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.

I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.

I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.

I don't know why I should have to learn Algebra... I'm never likely to go there.

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling them all different things.

I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I don't believe in God, but I don't think I do. But I believe in people who do.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

I'm a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world's a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they're delightful. They all want so little.

Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.

I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I've done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that's mostly what I'm offered.

I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far.

Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.

Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?

Don't tell me how to do my job. I don't come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.

I started to draw desert islands. They were just rough, shapes in the middle of the page. Then I began drawing shapes within those shapes and I was amazed how quickly the islands got better. It took off from there.

I've always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can't tell to an audience. There's a fine line you have to tread because you don't know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.

Once you become successful, people know where you live, the type of house you live in, the kind of car you drive, the clothes you wear, and so it would be patronising to go and talk like a welder. Welding's a mystery to me now. You can't go back, your life changes every day.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

So have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel

Before you judge a man walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares Hes a mile away and youve got his shoes

Marriage is a wonderful invention then again so is the bicycle repair kit.

The religion in Scotland is one of the most patronising things... after the weather.

I'd always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.

It weren't too loo long before I seen something in me, had changed. A bitter seed was planted inside of me. And I just didn't feel so, accepting, anymore.

We can embrace change by knowing we serve an unchanging God.

One thing I think is that comics are really good at expressing emotion. I think there's a way that comics characters can be drawn not-realistically, but the emotional reality is still very sincere. So you can have these exaggerations that express inner emotion through physical appearance.

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.

I don't think homosexuality is a choice. Society forces you to think it's a choice, but in fact, it's in one's nature. The choice is whether one expresses one's nature truthfully or spends the rest of one's life lying about it.

I'm looked upon as a theater actor who happened to know martial arts before I got into the movies.

I would not have a woman go to Congress merely because she is a woman.

The dream is yours… why are you asking others to validate or nourish it? Your journey must be self-propelled. It must be fueled from within.

I think you have to be more flexible to be a pro coach because once you pay the guy the money, whether he can backpedal the way you want him to or whatever, his style of play may not suit you, but you still are going to play him, and he is going to be a part of your team.

I came to feel very, very sentimental about those sets, which is ludicrous, because they represent everything which is transitory and insubstantial. It's absurd that one should feel sentimental about timber and canvas.

A poem is a naked person... Some people say that I am a poet.

I would have liked to have had more to do with Kristin Bauer van Straten. She's the nicest human being that I think I've ever met.

Perseverance is the ability to hold our course over time in the face of opposition.

I knew that I did not have to buy into society's notion that I had to be handsome and healthy to be happy. I was in charge of my "spaceship" and it was my up, my down. I could choose to see this situation as a setback or as a starting point. I chose to begin life again.

Those revolutionaries who have, by chance, escaped the gallows should live and show to the world that they cannot only embrace gallows for the ideal but also bear the worst type of tortures in the dark, dingy prison cells.

The issues we hear Donald Trump talking about are just so contrary to who we are as a people. They are an affront and an insult to our higher angels and our best selves.