It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling them all different things.

The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.

The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.

I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.

I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.

I don't know why I should have to learn Algebra... I'm never likely to go there.

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling them all different things.

I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I don't believe in God, but I don't think I do. But I believe in people who do.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

I'm a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world's a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they're delightful. They all want so little.

Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.

I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I've done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that's mostly what I'm offered.

I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far.

Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.

Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?

Don't tell me how to do my job. I don't come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.

I started to draw desert islands. They were just rough, shapes in the middle of the page. Then I began drawing shapes within those shapes and I was amazed how quickly the islands got better. It took off from there.

I've always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can't tell to an audience. There's a fine line you have to tread because you don't know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.

Once you become successful, people know where you live, the type of house you live in, the kind of car you drive, the clothes you wear, and so it would be patronising to go and talk like a welder. Welding's a mystery to me now. You can't go back, your life changes every day.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

So have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel

Before you judge a man walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares Hes a mile away and youve got his shoes

Marriage is a wonderful invention then again so is the bicycle repair kit.

The religion in Scotland is one of the most patronising things... after the weather.

I'd always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.

The primary source of the appeal of Christianity was Jesus - His incarnation, His life, His crucifixion, and His resurrection.

The history of Christianity, therefore, must be of concern to all who are interested in the record of man and particularly to all who seek to understand the contemporary human scene.

Capitalism without bankruptcy is like Christianity without hell.

Organized Christianity has always represented immortality as a sort of common heritage; but I never could see why spiritual life should not be conditioned on the same terms as all life, i. e., correspondence with environment.

Christianity is a battle not a dream.

I think that the core doctrines of Christianity - the incarnation, the resurrection, life after death-these are as strong as ever. In fact, the belief in life after death has increased in this century.

I don't know which will go first - rock 'n' roll or Christianity.

Among the many reasons assignable for the sad decay of true Christianity, perhaps the neglecting to assemble ourselves together, in religious societies, may not be one of the least.

Christianity supplies a Hell for the people who disagree with you and a Heaven for your friends.

It seems true that the growth of science and secularism made organized Christianity feel under threat.

Christianity has made of death a terror which was unknown to the gay calmness of the Pagan.

The next challenge for Christianity is to remind Europeans that we are called to seek the truth.

I never saw, heard, nor read, that the clergy were beloved in any nation where Christianity was the religion of the country. Nothing can render them popular, but some degree of persecution.

For me Christianity is about the Kingdom, not about the Church: it has to do with human growth and development nor church growth and development.

First of all, the Jewish religion has a great deal in common with the Christian religion because, as Rabbi Gillman points out in the show, Christianity is based on Judaism. Christ was Jewish.

Two great European narcotics, alcohol and Christianity.