I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally.

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

I never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and won't stand still.

I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally.

The food in such places is so tasteless because the members associate spices and garlic with just the sort of people they're trying to keep out.

The question about those aromatic advertisements that perfume companies are having stitched into magazines these days is this: under the freedoms guaranteed by the First Amendment, is smelling up the place a constitutionally protected form of expression?

When it comes to Chinese food I have always operated under the policy that the less known about the preparation the better. A wise diner who is invited to visit the kitchen replies by saying, as politely as possible, that he has a pressing engagement elsewhere.

The shelf life of the average trade book is somewhere between milk and yogurt.

Health food makes me sick.

As far as I'm concerned, "whom" is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.

As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.

Getting a tattoo would probably make me cry.

I actually think of being funny as an odd turn of mind, like a mild disability, some weird way of looking at the world that you can't get rid of.

I do remember in high school I wanted to be a disc jockey.

I don't cook. I don't know anything about food. I've never reviewed a restaurant.

I'm more disturbed when people expect me to be serious.

I've always thought that parallel parking was my main talent.

I've written three books you could think of as memoirs.

If it's inappropriate to write about, if there's nothing funny about it, then it's not funny.

People, not just reporters, are more interested in politics than in government, so the actual issues wouldn't be something that interested them.

There's always a source for humor.

We all know funny people who can't get it down on the page - even funny writers who can't get it down on the page.

What campaigns are for is weeding out the people who, for one way or another, weren't making it for the long haul.

What interests me is what you might call vernacular writing, writing that connects you to a place.

When it comes to rapacious 19th century capitalism, my family's hands are clean.

When you're writing, you are robbed of your delivery.

With humor, it's so subjective that trying to think of what the ideal reader would think would drive you crazy.

You know, I used to say, when people say, 'How do you think about what to write about in the poems every week?' And I say, 'Well, I have to turn it in on Monday, so on Sunday nights I turn the shower to iambic pentameter and it sort of works out that way.'

One advantage of a monarchy is that a monarchy does not suffer the effects of having great clots of white Christians moping around simply because they aren't the king or queen.

People don't want to be plagued by not knowing-they want answers.

If not for music, I would probably be a very frustrated scientist. It's one way to answer the question, 'What is the meaning of life?' I feel music answers it better.

I wish I knew at 14 not to put much thought into what other people my age said to me, cause we were all looking for the answers. So I wish I knew that other people really don't know any more than you do!

Einstein was a man who could ask immensely simple questions. And what his work showed is that when the answers are simple too, then you can hear God thinking.

The uncreative mind can spot wrong answers, but it takes a very creative mind to spot wrong questions.

To play a good guy is nice because in a way, he is so open for answers.

Some people think technology has the answers.

Music is more emotional than prose, more revolutionary than poetry. I'm not saying I've got the answers, just a of questions that I don't hear other artists asking.

Nature puts no question and answers none which we mortals ask. She has long ago taken her resolution.

The only interesting answers are those that destroy the questions.

Real answers need to be found in dialogue and interaction and, yes, our shared human condition. This means being open to one another instead of simply fighting to maintain a prescribed position.

This story, I predict, will grow to be worse than Watergate. The American people need to have the answers.

By the time the people asking the questions are ready for the answers, the people doing the work have lost track of the questions.

I was asking Charlie the most important questions, and you heard the answers.

There are many who lust for the simple answers of doctrine or decree. They are on the left and right. They are not confined to a single part of the society. They are terrorists of the mind.

You need to make a commitment, and once you make it, then life will give you some answers.

I think it does suggest that the American people really do want to listen to somebody who actually has some solutions, some answers, and gives them some hope.

We don't know all the answers. If we knew all the answers we'd be bored, wouldn't we? We keep looking, searching, trying to get more knowledge.

That's where I began to ask questions that maybe don't have one specific answer. And the more people you get answers from, the richer the environment becomes.

One of the things that is wrong with religion is that it teaches us to be satisfied with answers which are not really answers at all.