I'm a traveling practical joker. That's my line of work.

You know, in the 1970's, when I was in high school, I belonged to a band called the Happy Funk Band. Until an unfortunate typo caused us to be expelled from school.

We want to be funny. We want to make people laugh... We'll do whatever it takes.

The Beatles, Rolling Stones, Barbra Streisand, Bruce Springsteen, these are just some of the people who threatened to sue if we used their songs.

And if that isn't the truth, it would be a lie.

I do enjoy working with Ryan although he owes me money.

My most important professional accomplishment to date is the ability to keep working with absolutely no skills whatsoever.

We'll be back to our nature documentary, 'Baggy the Anorexic Elephant' in just a second.

Many people think it's in bad taste to advertise for an insane asylum... but come on down. We're going crazy.

As a kid I watched television 24 hours a day and loved every minute of it. The two shows that always make me laugh and are therefore my favourites are The Dick Van Dyke Show and Fawlty Towers.

My god! It's a hamster with explosives taped around it's waist!

I think the challenge is going out in front of a paying audience with absolutely nothing and trying to entertain them for two hours. Thankfully, I only think about that right before we go on, and then once we're out there, everything's fine.

Give me liberty or give me a bran muffin!

Well, it seems all the fish in the rivers are dying. Could this be an act of cod?

I'm a traveling practical joker. That's my line of work.

I have many favorite artists... Van Gogh as one, but he didn't really sing a lot!

I am such a pessimist that every project has surpassed what I envisioned.

I'm handsome, no ands, buts or ifs.

There's many times this year I've sat back and thought, I'm making a living from making things up. It's the only skill I have so I've been really lucky.

Please call your second witness, and then call your mother, she worries.

This just in: Beverly Hills 90210, Cleveland Browns 3.

Hey, Ryan, if Sting retires, will he change his name to Stung?

When I'm on stage, it's a little world I've created where I'm sort of the thing, so I have total control over everything that happens. When we're improvising, I'm with someone I totally trust. I know things are going to work out. I don't have those guarantees in life. There are no consequences on stage.

Nine out of ten Americans believe that out of ten people, one person will always disagree with the other nine!

There are so many things I'd like to change in the industry. Everything from the reliance of style over substance to their reluctance to hire me for big budget blockbusters, but the thing I would love most would be if they understood people don't have to be Hollywood beautiful to be sexy or interesting.

Give me liberty or a bran muffin!

Our top story tonight: Famous TV dolphin flipper was arrested today on prostitution ring charges. He allegedly was seen transporting two 16 year olds across state line for immoral porpoises.

To be a dramatic writer takes hard work, talent, and discipline. And that's why I just make up crap.

The people who influenced me most were the people who said I would never make it. They gave me a thirst for revenge.

We all have a dinosaur deep within us just trying to get out.

Onstage I do all the stuff I'd never do in real life, like lashing out at people who make me mad or freaking out in a long bank lineup. Performing allows me to fulfill all the sicko fantasies I've ever had.

You get educated by traveling.

When I was 21, I got into a motorcycle accident while traveling in Europe and I had to lie around a lot in the aftermath, which was really the first time in my life that I became really focused and inspired to write.

We went to Detroit. I wanted to see what was going on in some other parts of the world. You know, I was just traveling, like. I had a minister that lived here. He was in St. Louis and he said things was going so well and that it was such a wonderful place.

As I look back over my life, before I had any real identity, I was a traveler. I grew up an Army brat, a runaway, an activist, and a musician. All my life I've been traveling.

Now my dad is with me, traveling with me and a big part of this whole thing is I like to mix it up a little bit, you know. Who gets to take their father on a private jet across the country and stay in first class hotels? So we're enjoying it, but I'd stop if it's not possible.

When traveling with someone, take large does of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee.

I remember traveling around in Arkansas with Senator Robinson, and I told him what this little trick was. He felt very much part of it and had me take pictures of people unbeknownst to them.

By going to the movies, and because of other things, too, going to college, making a wide variety of friends, moving around traveling, I became a lot more open-minded than the heritage I was born into might have suggested.

I've opened up more by traveling outside Jamaica. It helps me to grow as a person to be outside of my element; to be on my own in a strange place meeting people.

I don't enjoy traveling in America. I don't like the food, the cars. It is not exotic enough. It all tastes a bit like airline food.

What you've done becomes the judge of what you're going to do - especially in other people's minds. When you're traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road.

Traveling around I don't think people are that horrible, I think they just don't know.

The idea of making pictures abroad is exciting when you're in Hollywood and have never worked in foreign countries. You think you'll get to see the sights and have all the fun that goes with traveling. Actually, you spend so much time on the job that you don't do much else.

Americans in particular are myopic. They're not traveling as much. When you were a college student, the next thing you would do on graduation was to take a year off and travel. That's what I did. I went to Indonesia.

I was aiming for the cooks that I've talked to by teaching an online course and by traveling, listening to people who are really busy and harried but want to be cooking.

Trees go wandering forth in all directions with every wind, going and coming like ourselves, traveling with us around the sun two million miles a day, and through space heaven knows how fast and far!

And, in some ways I like traveling, in other ways I'm sort of fed up by the whole notion.

If they're traveling at the speed of light, their month is perhaps the equivalent of twenty of our years. So they're just buzzing around having a good old time, continuously looking.