This just in: Beverly Hills 90210, Cleveland Browns 3.

You know, in the 1970's, when I was in high school, I belonged to a band called the Happy Funk Band. Until an unfortunate typo caused us to be expelled from school.

We want to be funny. We want to make people laugh... We'll do whatever it takes.

The Beatles, Rolling Stones, Barbra Streisand, Bruce Springsteen, these are just some of the people who threatened to sue if we used their songs.

And if that isn't the truth, it would be a lie.

I do enjoy working with Ryan although he owes me money.

My most important professional accomplishment to date is the ability to keep working with absolutely no skills whatsoever.

We'll be back to our nature documentary, 'Baggy the Anorexic Elephant' in just a second.

Many people think it's in bad taste to advertise for an insane asylum... but come on down. We're going crazy.

As a kid I watched television 24 hours a day and loved every minute of it. The two shows that always make me laugh and are therefore my favourites are The Dick Van Dyke Show and Fawlty Towers.

My god! It's a hamster with explosives taped around it's waist!

I think the challenge is going out in front of a paying audience with absolutely nothing and trying to entertain them for two hours. Thankfully, I only think about that right before we go on, and then once we're out there, everything's fine.

Give me liberty or give me a bran muffin!

Well, it seems all the fish in the rivers are dying. Could this be an act of cod?

I'm a traveling practical joker. That's my line of work.

I have many favorite artists... Van Gogh as one, but he didn't really sing a lot!

I am such a pessimist that every project has surpassed what I envisioned.

I'm handsome, no ands, buts or ifs.

There's many times this year I've sat back and thought, I'm making a living from making things up. It's the only skill I have so I've been really lucky.

Please call your second witness, and then call your mother, she worries.

This just in: Beverly Hills 90210, Cleveland Browns 3.

Hey, Ryan, if Sting retires, will he change his name to Stung?

When I'm on stage, it's a little world I've created where I'm sort of the thing, so I have total control over everything that happens. When we're improvising, I'm with someone I totally trust. I know things are going to work out. I don't have those guarantees in life. There are no consequences on stage.

Nine out of ten Americans believe that out of ten people, one person will always disagree with the other nine!

There are so many things I'd like to change in the industry. Everything from the reliance of style over substance to their reluctance to hire me for big budget blockbusters, but the thing I would love most would be if they understood people don't have to be Hollywood beautiful to be sexy or interesting.

Give me liberty or a bran muffin!

Our top story tonight: Famous TV dolphin flipper was arrested today on prostitution ring charges. He allegedly was seen transporting two 16 year olds across state line for immoral porpoises.

To be a dramatic writer takes hard work, talent, and discipline. And that's why I just make up crap.

The people who influenced me most were the people who said I would never make it. They gave me a thirst for revenge.

We all have a dinosaur deep within us just trying to get out.

Onstage I do all the stuff I'd never do in real life, like lashing out at people who make me mad or freaking out in a long bank lineup. Performing allows me to fulfill all the sicko fantasies I've ever had.

I think people, for the most part, actually want what they think is best.

Anyone who reaches for great expression has to be careful of the ridiculous.

Joy comes from places you least expect it. It's usually the simple things, like watching my son play basketball or going through Central Park when the blossoms are blooming.

In a very real way, ownership is the essence of leadership. When you are 'ridiculously in charge,' then you own whatever happens in a company, school, et cetera.

Everyone's clamoring for the fourth book in the 'Fifty Shades' trilogy, which makes me laugh. Just the part of 'a fourth book in trilogy' that makes me laugh, not the clamoring for the next book.

Trends don't mean very much.

I've been a huge cricket fan since my teens, and I often used to go down to St. Helen's in Swansea in the summer. To me, it was like a 'rites of passage' experience to have the freedom of St. Helen's cricket ground.

The basic idea in case-based, or CBR, is that the program has stored problems and solutions. Then, when a new problem comes up, the program tries to find a similar problem in its database by finding analogous aspects between the problems.

The death tax is one of the leading causes of the dissolution of small businesses.

Since I've been in an actor, I've lived in Italy, in London, in Stockholm - I had the fortune of working in different locations. If you live someplace long enough, you acquire slightly different systems of thought, and it influences your outlook on life. I just slowly adapted the way I speak.

Fear is a far more dominant force in human behaviour than euphoria - I would never have expected that or given it a moment's thought before, but it shows up in the data in so many ways.

Great men are seldom over-scrupulous in the arrangement of their attire.

While Planned Parenthood provides abortions at some of their clinics, it also provides healthcare services for poor women, including checkups, mammograms, cervical cancer screenings and contraceptives.

He was just trying to tease me - I knew that later - but he said he'd have to leave because it wasn't fair to have anyone in the room who was going to make fun of what he had to say. He had a good sense of humor, really.

Drinking water is essential to a healthy lifestyle.

The bridges that you cross before you come to them are over rivers that arent there.

Very few minds are strictly normal, and all religious fanatics are marked with abnormalities of various sorts.

For over 15 years, through the clean coal programs of the Department of Energy, the Federal Government has been a solid partner, working jointly with private companies and the states to develop and demonstrate a new generation of environmentally clean technology using coal.