You can trust a Neil Simon script. Every dot. Every dash; that pause means something. He takes all the jokes out, practically.

Food is a passion. Food is love.

I'm a parent, especially when you've had the intense parenting the way I had. It's all in the bank. It's all in the great experience bank. Those are your secrets. That's the stuff that makes your work rich, that's what you dip into.

I think you can tell the human condition better through comedy.

I used to work, part time, in a deli, in those days when your parents made you work just so you should know what work was like. And you'd make 4, 5, 6, ten dollars.

You know, a low budget, you have to work harder. You have to plan well; you don't have much time to rehearse.

Sometimes I just walk through; I just show up, as in The Other Sister.

I love the fact that it starts from there, and you don't know where it's gonna go. Wait long enough - love will find you. Everything's a surprise. When you think you've got it all figured out... as Emerson said, the dice of God are always loaded.

You can trust a Neil Simon script. Every dot. Every dash; that pause means something. He takes all the jokes out, practically.

I never learned to cook; I was a little spoiled as far as that's concerned.

Which reminds me of a fortune cookie: you often find your destiny on the path you take to avoid it.

Pretty Woman was the easiest job I've ever done. I just wore the right toupee.

Yes, and it's my third movie with Richard. American Gigolo was my first.

I guess I work well with others I handle younger actors well.

I started in 1946 in radio. I was ten years old. I was discovered singing in a school play. Someone was in the audience and it's six degrees of separation.

I work with Garry no matter what. What I wanted to keep going was the streak.

Definitely not a sitcom, that's my first condition. No sitcoms.

On those, I've said it before, I work free. It's the waiting they pay me for.

The fact that that's the difference between Mexicans and Cubans is pronounced. It's so immediately recognizable, the way a Cuban speaks, the way a Cuban moves the hands.

I started in radio, again accidentally. I wasn't looking for this kind of work at all.

You're at the top of your game if you do comedy.

I'm attracted to pathos, because life is mostly pathos. I've had a lot of it in my life.

I've dodged bullets but there's no scandal in my life.

I don't think I could ever do a network sitcom because the humor is often based on some trite circumstance. I don't want to be a part of a show where it's mostly about coming up with the jokes.

When my mother died, I had to go on air that night and do jokes.

Musician jokes are a kind of joke that usually have to do with how much money someone makes. Musicians are always starving, so they're really mean to each other about who makes what.

Everyone for the most part is really nice. There have always been jokes, but that's part of being in the spotlight. You can't make everyone completely happy.

I love life in spite of all that mars it. I love friendship, jokes and laughter.

You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic.

I try to exist in a world where there is freedom of opinion, where you're allowed to make jokes. I don't want to live in some PC world where no-one's allowed to say anything.

It wasn't until I became more confident with myself and I put myself forward instead of the jokes; at first it was put the jokes out there and I'm just behind the jokes.

Our subconscious minds have no sense of humor, play no jokes and cannot tell the difference between reality and an imagined thought or image. What we continually think about eventually will manifest in our lives.

In polite society one laughs at all the jokes, including the ones one has heard before.

Well, there are conjoined twins in real life and we can tell a story about them so long as they're not the brunt of the jokes. In this, they're the heroes of this story; we love these guys.

Johnny Carson started the jokes about me and Marlin in his monologues.

We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.

Zac Efron is like a brother who's just goofy and crazy. He plays a lot of practical jokes.

I have 40 years of unpublished material, the ones they don't pick, and the reason I don't redraw them or use them again is that I like to use my brain every day and come up with new jokes.

I feel that after all those horrible reviews and jokes, I wasn't crazy all these years to stand up for the music I believe in. This album has proven that somewhere in the human race, the human heart is still racing and breaking and I am so grateful.

Everybody that's living in this earth is living in a situation. It's not narrow-minded to the point where everybody is serious and nobody has a personality. I think people die telling jokes.

My dog was with me all the time. I talked to my dog. She was my best buddy. I shared all my secrets with her, but I don't think I every really tried jokes out with the dog.

I never believe them when they say that because you really have to sort of be aware of what's going on in the news in order to get the jokes on the show.

I think the more the actor lets you know what he thinks of the character, the less the audience cares - like a comedian who laughs at his own jokes.

I can tell jokes. I can talk to the audience. I can relax. I can change my songs whenever I want. I can change the tempos. I can change the mood, because I'm in charge.

When you are in a room and your job is to write jokes 10 hours a day, your mind starts going to strange places.

People make jokes about my bosoms, why don't they look underneath the breasts at the heart? It's obvious I've got big ones and if people want to assume they're not mine, then let them.

It's the teenage and university crowd, so we give them lots of sex jokes and gross humour.

My way of fitting in was through jokes and making people laugh.

Yes, I would say my comedy is grunge, evidenced by the fact my jokes have put an end to big-hair glam comedy.