If it has to sell its mascot, your team sucks.

True Yankees are born, not made.

If it has to sell its mascot, your team sucks.

I hate golf. I do not understand how anyone can enjoy it, much less love it.

Not everyone likes sports. Gandhi and Malcolm X come to mind.

I never minded George Steinbrenner spending obscene amounts of money to put the best product on the field.

I think golf is a waste of time and a waste of a sunny afternoon. I also stink at it. I have never found anything, including divorce and a sexual harassment suit, more frustrating.

I think I made a mistake once... yeah... it was only once.

I wonder why there is a designated hitter in baseball after all these years? As an experiment, it seemed like a swell enough idea, but you would think the novelty would have worn off by now and everyone would get back to playing baseball.

If it doesn't know what to charge you for nosebleed seats, your team sucks.

You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over? Movie Day.

I wasn't the guy everyone liked. I was the guy that wouldn't shut up.

Fantasy football is not only a good thing, but a great thing.

Unfortunately, there are no mulligans when it comes to pro football contracts.

When human beings stop progressing at an endeavor, they stop enjoying it and move on to something else. Not golfers. Masochists, all of them.

Why are baseball managers the only coaches who dress up like the players?

But if applause throws off your timing, then you're not the kind of comedian I would like to see. All you have to do is stand there and take it.

I was the youngest kid on my street, the youngest comic in the clubs. I always felt like I was playing catch-up. I was very angry.

I'm oddly not competitive. What I love about show business is there is a home for everyone.

Marc Maron's podcast success has nothing to do with my podcast success. If I do a quarter of a million downloads, I can show that to an advertiser as a fact, and that's that.

I think many start-ups make mistakes because they are focusing on things that are farther ahead, and they haven't done the work that has built the foundation to support it.

Microsoft loves Linux.

A typical complaint of married women with children is that their job stress tired them out so that they have little quality emotion and energy left for their children, much less their husbands.

No one has the right to destroy another person's belief by demanding empirical evidence.

I love creating new things. It's difficult to be creative once a restaurant's open. People want the same dishes. For me, the creativity is in opening a new place and starting a new menu.

I limited myself to introduce a change in my way of thinking and the way I see things. When I look at my child, I do it in a different way then when I'm contemplating a chair. They are different... the child is a living being, and the chair is an object.

It is not opium which makes me work but its absence, and in order for me to feel its absence it must from time to time be present.

Governments enjoying surpluses have a very strong temptation to splash money around, and while tax cuts are always appealing, cutting taxes at the top of a boom runs the real risk of creating a structural deficit when the boom subsides.

Every time I do a movie, especially an animated movie, I just seem to scream and shout and hyperventilate for money.

To me, the whole idea of fame and I think it can be a real test of somebody, of who they are. You know, 'cause some strange things happen. I've seen some peculiar things as far as a person just living their life.

I was a hockey player growing up. Being a big guy and being imposing, I had to use my size to protect my teammates.

Unease is not an emotion I get often in the theatre, and I like it.

You can't buy time or save it, common idioms notwithstanding. You can only spend it.

Well, I am becoming doddering and old but I have - I'm writing two books a year now. It's like 220,000 words or something like finished, and, honest to God, I can't do that. I really do need the help of, you know, other people working with me.

Every time I started going in the direction of thinking how it might turn out, I started to just turn my brain around and not go there, because I think the surest way to guarantee that you won't win is to assume that you will.

A smile is the most beautiful on brides face.

For me, there is a basic recognition of horror as the most open doorway where the intersection of philosophical and religious ideas can come tighter.

I think, taking too long to work on a record, you sort of lose some of the feeling, so I write as fast as I can; it's just this manic phase where I'm by myself and or on tour, and I write, and I write.

If we now find ourselves looking down on the cheap and convenient, it is only because we now have better things which are affordable.

I think part of what happens is that small labels want to get bigger. And bigger is not better.

Economists have allowed themselves to walk into a trap where we say we can forecast, but no serious economist thinks we can. You don't expect dentists to be able to forecast how many teeth you'll have when you're 80. You expect them to give good advice and fix problems.

I have to take responsibility for anything that happened within its businesses.

Anything you see on the screen was at one point approved by me.

I was under the impression I had signed a three-year contract. I want to be back. I expect to be back. I will be back.