There are never enough I Love You's.

I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.

Communism is like one big phone company.

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't.

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up.

The "what should be" never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no "what should be," there is only what is.

A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.

The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.

The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.

Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.

If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.

In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.

There are never enough I Love You's.

I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.

When you're eight years old nothing is your business.

The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.

All my humor is based on destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I'd be standing in the bread line - right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.

I don't have an act. I just talk. I'm just Lenny Bruce.

I don't read enough books, so I guess I'm pretty shallow. I'm a lot into the physical. With me, first attraction is never intellectual.

I'm not a comedian. And I'm not sick. The world is sick, and I'm the doctor. I'm a surgeon with a scalpel for false values.

If God made the body, and the body is dirty, then the fault lies with the manufacturer.

The 'what should be' never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no 'what should be,' there is only what is.

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.

In the halls of justice, the only justice is in the halls.

Anyone who has two shirts when someone has none is not a christian.

We assume that celebrities have it easy and so love to watch them having to endure a bit of hardship.

I love Nautilus and stretching. The results are immediate, and that gives me the motivation to continue.

I am a ordinary teenager. I fall in love like everyone else.

I don't call you handsome, sir, though I love you most dearly: far too dearly to flatter you. Don't flatter me.

The essential elements of giving are power and love - activity and affection - and the consciousness of the race testifies that in the high and appropriate exercise of these is a blessedness greater than any other.

My mother keeps things in perspective for me. She makes me realize that the acting I do and love is no more important than what one of my brothers does-he works in a shoe repair shop. If my career ever tapers off, I'll go to college.

Actors love mental disorders, dialects, and corsets. Give them one of the three and they're happy.

My goal is, of course, for this show to do well, and I would love it if people liked it.

I love living on that stage. Without that, I'd die.

I love my DSL, but I love my WiFi more. And I probably get on the Internet 40 percent to 50 percent more because of the combination of those technologies.

But I love New York. I used to set my alarm clock when I was there, and get up at 4am and get a coffee, just because I could.

I love children and I love men, but I can't commit to either for the rest of my life.

Sitting at home the way I do, I'd just love the hear from people. It'd be a great help in passing the time.

The wise are wise only because they love. The fool are fools only because they think they can understand love.

We can recognize the dawn and the decline of love by the uneasiness we feel when alone together.

Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery.

People react to fear, not love; they don't teach that in Sunday School, but it's true.

I sort of understood that when I first started: that you shouldn't repeat a success. Very often you're going to, and maybe the first time you do, it works. And you love it. But then you're trapped.

There is love there. And then there's times when I can't even stomach Simon. You don't have to sit next to him. That's all I have to say.

When I see children, I see the face of God. That's why I love them so much. That's what I see.

One can love a child, perhaps, more deeply than one can love another adult, but it is rash to assume that the child feels any love in return.