Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.

I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.

Communism is like one big phone company.

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't.

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up.

The "what should be" never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no "what should be," there is only what is.

A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.

The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.

The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.

Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.

If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.

In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.

There are never enough I Love You's.

I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.

When you're eight years old nothing is your business.

The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.

All my humor is based on destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I'd be standing in the bread line - right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.

I don't have an act. I just talk. I'm just Lenny Bruce.

I don't read enough books, so I guess I'm pretty shallow. I'm a lot into the physical. With me, first attraction is never intellectual.

I'm not a comedian. And I'm not sick. The world is sick, and I'm the doctor. I'm a surgeon with a scalpel for false values.

If God made the body, and the body is dirty, then the fault lies with the manufacturer.

The 'what should be' never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no 'what should be,' there is only what is.

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.

In the halls of justice, the only justice is in the halls.

Anyone who has two shirts when someone has none is not a christian.

Roosevelt's magic lay in one facet of his personality: He knew how to take the risk. No other man in public life I knew could so readily take the challenge of the new.

When producers want to know what the public wants, they graph it as curves. When they want to tell the public what to get, they say it in curves.

Public discussions are part of what it takes to make changes in the trillions of graphics published each year.

I can assure you, public service is a stimulating, proud and lively enterprise. It is not just a way of life, it is a way to live fully.

I give everything I have to give on the screen. I feel I don't owe the public anything else.

Public opinion polls are rather like children in a garden, digging things up all the time to see how they're growing.

My art became very public.

Depending on what day of the week it is and what time of the month it is, I'm a good friend or not a good friend. I'm more or less a good mom or not a good mom, more or less a good mate or not a good mate. That's just life, whether or not you're public.

Well, I think that those of us in public life that are trying to do a good job, and that are faced with this popular new game that the media has of being critical of everything that anybody in public office does probably are thin-skinned.

The greatest public health threat for many American women is the men they live with.

Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.

Yesterday in this country we had people die of hunger and malnutrition. In some parts of this country, the infant mortality rate rivals that of sub-Saharan Africa. We have a public education system that ranks below that of almost any other Western nation.

Don't try to be somebody you're not because it doesn't work. If you try to be this perfect person or perfect persona of what you think that somebody should be when they're involved in public office, it's just not going to work. Just be yourself, stay true to your core values, and really just stay abreast of the issues.

Alabama citizens, like the vast majority of Americans, respect and value the meaning of decency, and appreciate public institutions that reflect the common values of our society.

It was he who impressed, time and again, the necessity of singing as nature intended, and - I remember - he constantly warned, don't let the public know that you work. So I went slowly. I never forced the voice.

In the coming days, I know there will be some reflecting on my time as mayor. Many of you will search to find what's behind my decision. It's simple. I have always believed that every person, especially public officials, must understand when it is time to move on. For me, that time is now.

All of us who are convinced that our military needs all the support the government and public will provide are pleased that he will have his chance to do just that.

There was a time when I was wondering about this business of going public, so I visited about a half-dozen companies in the Boston area, all of them formed by MIT faculty and all had gone public.

He was a fantastic player, but the thing that impressed me most about Paul was his manner off the pitch. He was always very humble about his achievements and had a lot of time for the paying public and people in general.

The game has kept faith with the public, maintaining its old admission price for nearly thirty years while other forms of entertainment have doubled and tripled in price. And it will probably never change.

I believe that a long step toward public morality will have been taken when sins are called by their right names.