When it comes to war, we focus more on the mainstream coverage of the event, rather than the event itself. People dying is never funny. Protest puppets are always funny.

Hypocrisy is great fodder for comedy.

I'm in fact a hair under six feet, but I'm very svelte. People would never see me if I turned sideways.

Honestly we never lied to people about who we were. Usually the wackier interviews came to pass because the interview subjects, aware that we were Comedy Central, just wanted to get their stories out.

I can't be everything to everyone. Send me your specs.

The most important thing is to write material that YOU think is funny. If you don't think it's funny, but you're convinced that other people will think it is, well they won't.

Politicians who wear little tennis socks with the balls at the back should not be taken seriously.

I am a kamikaze gadfly.

It's interesting, because I tend to trust a man with big ears.

It's much easier to make jokes about sensitive issues if there is some dissent, some conflict.

No, no, no separate but equal... never the twain shall meet. And the pendulum kept swinging and it came to rest in the bastard hybrid known as the Daily Show.

If there's one thing that everyone can agree on, it's that, right or wrong, they hate the press.

It's one of my favorite things to do, watch TV and stretch. I'm so flexible. I can put my legs behind my head. I want to be the most flexible person in the world.

When it comes to war, we focus more on the mainstream coverage of the event, rather than the event itself. People dying is never funny. Protest puppets are always funny.

I bruise like a grape.

Christmas is a stocking stuffed with sugary goodness.

Generally I get up at around 7. But oftentimes, I'll be lolling in bed a little bit earlier - sometimes as early as 5:45 - filing in my mind all the things I have to get done. Which is, of course, totally unproductive.

I have a Keurig coffee maker, which is really kind of a luxury. It was given to me by an ex. I realized when I'm feeling sentimental, I'll gently, tenderly press the button. Then when I remember he dumped me, I punch it.

I know a lot about a few things - mostly useless things.

I love the excess of Christmas. The shopping season that begins in September, the bad pop star recordings of Christmas carols, the decorations that don't know when to come down.

I still don't know how to cook and that's just unacceptable.

I was way too hyperactive to study for long. I would freak out, then crash, then be too tired to read or write. I really should have had less sugar.

I wish I had played team sports. I think every kid should. Teamwork builds character - teaches people about leadership and cooperation.

I'd rather call myself a mischief-maker, an imp, rather than a satirist. Satirist sounds so self important. Plus no one is calling himself an imp right now. It makes me feel special.

I'm always working on a few different stories at once, so there's always some really big coffee table book I'm carrying around.

If I had a time machine I would go back 30 years and show up at my grandmother's apartment before the gargantuan meals she would serve and I would help her.

My sophomore year I spent exactly one day on the JV football team. It was the tryout day.

When I was starting to get noticed as an actor in the 1970s for something other than the third cowboy on the right who ended up dying in every movie or episode, Burt Reynolds was the biggest star in the world.

With tens of thousands of patients dying every year from preventable medical errors, it is imperative that we embrace available technologies and drastically improve the way medical records are handled and processed.

The cholera had broken out at the post, and five or six men were dying daily.

How some of the writers I come across get through their books without dying of boredom is beyond me.

Just like those who are incurably ill, the aged know everything about their dying except exactly when.

As the winter set in with its customary Canadian severity the real trouble of the French began. They did not suffer from the cold, but they were dying of scurvy.

It's a technical, fairly difficult job that has no particular political connotations, so I doubt there are any big campaign contributors dying to be on the Fed. And remember, it doesn't pay very well, certainly by Republican standards.

Fundamentally, all writing is about the same thing; it's about dying, about the brief flicker of time we have here, and the frustration that it creates.

Every man must do two things alone; he must do his own believing and his own dying.

Doesn't anyone here think this sounds like a vision of hell? While we are all competing or dying, when will there be time for sex or music or books? Stop the world, I want to get off.

Dying people in pre-industrial cultures typically died in the context of an extended family, clan, or tribe.

I watched children dying. That will be the image that will stay with me.

Writing is no dying art form in America because most published writers here accept the wisdom and the necessity of encouraging the talent that follows in their footsteps.

Tell me what you feel in your room when the full moon is shining in upon you and your lamp is dying out, and I will tell you how old you are, and I shall know if you are happy.

I really connect with those moments of doing missionary work down there and just seeing the people that are dying from disease and hunger and malnutrition.

I always want to learn but I am sure on my dying day I will feel like I left something in the bucket.

Dying is easy; comedy is hard.

A terrible thing about getting oldish is that your friends start dying, and in the last ten years I have lost seven or eight of my closest.

Nor dread nor hope attend a dying animal; a man awaits his end dreading and hoping all.

The local music community here was dying for a place to record, so we started doing acoustic, folk and bluegrass and then did rock projects for other bands, as well as for my son Tal and my own work.

I am dying of hunger.

I am dying from the treatment of too many physicians.