I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork.

Who of us is mature enough for offspring before the offspring themselves arrive? The value of marriage is not that adults produce children but that children produce adults.

When I can no longer bear to think of the victims of broken homes, I begin to think of the victims of intact ones.

I was thinking that we all learn by experience, but some of us have to go to summer school.

It is the final proof of God's omnipotence that he need not exist in order to save us.

We are not primarily put on this earth to see through one another, but to see one another through.

Life is a zoo in a jungle.

Murals in restaurants are on a par with the food in museums.

Confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is good for dandruff - it is a palliative rather than a remedy.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Let us hope, that a kind Providence will put a speedy end to the acts of God under which we have been laboring.

The satirist shoots to kill while the humorist brings his prey back alive and eventually releases him again for another chance.

I write when I'm inspired, and I see to it that I'm inspired at nine o'clock every morning.

The value of marriage is not that adults produce children but that children produce adults.

We must love one another, yes, yes, that's all true enough, but nothing says we have to like each other.

My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he could hate that too.

Gluttony is an emotional escape, a sign something is eating us.

The tuba is certainly the most intestinal of instruments, the very lower bowel of music.

The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character.

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.

I wanted to be bored to death, as good a way to go as any.

Words fashioned with somewhat over precise diction are like shapes turned out by a cookie cutter.

The universe is like a safe to which there is a combination. But the combination is locked up in the safe.

Pain is the question mark turned like a fishhook in the human heart.

The murals in restaurants are on par with the food in museums.

I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork.

The rich aren't like us, they pay less taxes.

Celibacy is the worst form of self-abuse.

Everybody hates me because I'm so universally liked.

There are times when parenthood seems nothing more than feeding the hand that bites you.

The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds - they mature slowly.

Celibacy is the worst form of self abuse.

Gluttony is an emotional escape a sign something is eating us.

The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds they mature slowly.

We all learn by experience but some of us have to go to summer school.

We turned on one another deep, drowned gazes, and exchanged a kiss that reduced my bones to rubber and my brain to gruel.

We are nothing but a string of gut on a stick of bone riding this piece of astral soot for one piteous splinter of eternity.

Time heals nothing which should make us better able to minister.

The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds “ they mature slowly.

I can remember the frustration of not being able to talk. I knew what I wanted to say, but I could not get the words out, so I would just scream.

What I try to do for my readers is to pass on some of the things that I found out about being thirteen after doing it for forty years.

In this watering-place I acted an heroic character, badly studied; and being a novice on such a stage, I forgot my part before a pair of lovely blue eyes.

Young people discovering their sexuality must know they walk with a strong tradition and that they are not alone. They have a right to information without being pressured.

Being a publicist is like management in a lot of ways - you're their friend, you're their mother, you're their confidante.

I mean, all alternative comedy is are comedians that have being doing it for so long, for so long, that they were relaxed enough to start becoming personal on stage.

I became hooked on the idea of being able to shoot an image and process it myself, and end up with a product.

Being a cover artist is not like being a real artist. That's just copying what someone else did.

It is too maddening. I've got to fly off, right now, to some devilish navy yard, three hours in a seasick steamer, and after being heartily sick, I'll have to speak three times, and then I'll be sick coming home. Still, who would not be sick for England?

I don't like being recognised, I have no interest in being famous at all, I just do what I do. If I could be like Captain Kirk and beam myself up and then beam myself down, I would!