A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.

Who of us is mature enough for offspring before the offspring themselves arrive? The value of marriage is not that adults produce children but that children produce adults.

When I can no longer bear to think of the victims of broken homes, I begin to think of the victims of intact ones.

I was thinking that we all learn by experience, but some of us have to go to summer school.

It is the final proof of God's omnipotence that he need not exist in order to save us.

We are not primarily put on this earth to see through one another, but to see one another through.

Life is a zoo in a jungle.

Murals in restaurants are on a par with the food in museums.

Confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is good for dandruff - it is a palliative rather than a remedy.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Let us hope, that a kind Providence will put a speedy end to the acts of God under which we have been laboring.

The satirist shoots to kill while the humorist brings his prey back alive and eventually releases him again for another chance.

I write when I'm inspired, and I see to it that I'm inspired at nine o'clock every morning.

The value of marriage is not that adults produce children but that children produce adults.

We must love one another, yes, yes, that's all true enough, but nothing says we have to like each other.

My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he could hate that too.

Gluttony is an emotional escape, a sign something is eating us.

The tuba is certainly the most intestinal of instruments, the very lower bowel of music.

The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character.

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.

I wanted to be bored to death, as good a way to go as any.

Words fashioned with somewhat over precise diction are like shapes turned out by a cookie cutter.

The universe is like a safe to which there is a combination. But the combination is locked up in the safe.

Pain is the question mark turned like a fishhook in the human heart.

The murals in restaurants are on par with the food in museums.

I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork.

The rich aren't like us, they pay less taxes.

Celibacy is the worst form of self-abuse.

Everybody hates me because I'm so universally liked.

There are times when parenthood seems nothing more than feeding the hand that bites you.

The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds - they mature slowly.

Celibacy is the worst form of self abuse.

Gluttony is an emotional escape a sign something is eating us.

The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds they mature slowly.

We all learn by experience but some of us have to go to summer school.

We turned on one another deep, drowned gazes, and exchanged a kiss that reduced my bones to rubber and my brain to gruel.

We are nothing but a string of gut on a stick of bone riding this piece of astral soot for one piteous splinter of eternity.

Time heals nothing which should make us better able to minister.

The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds “ they mature slowly.

I have a 6-year-old, and his thing is to turn on Radio Disney in the car, and I get such an allergic reaction to listening to that music and the context into which it falls. I'm really working on him about that.

Doorman - a genius who can open the door of your car with one hand, help you in with the other, and still have one left for the tip.

I miss Saturday morning, rolling out of bed, not shaving, getting into my car with my girls, driving to the supermarket, squeezing the fruit, getting my car washed, taking walks.

I like to sing in the car with the windows rolled down and hair blowing all over my face.

I'd really like to get the girl, shoot the gun, drive the car, have fun. I even have these kind of action dreams, where I'm the action guy.

When you're in the car, how well you do is down to you and you alone-no band, no management, no marketing.

I will never have a drink and get behind the wheel of a car. It's not illegal to drink and drive, but there becomes a certain point where it does become a crime.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'

I never had the high-paying job or the company car. It took me over a decade to pay off my student loans. I never had to worry about where to dock my yacht to reduce my taxes.

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.