Ray Romano

The only thing I miss from the sitcom format is that immediate gratification of when you're, if we're talking about comedy, of the live audience.

I don't want to say work is who I am, but some people feel more centered and more whole when they're producing and creating.

I don't think men talk as much as women, but when we have something on our minds we'll get it out.

I feel like this is a dream - and I apologize for how I dressed some of you.

Whenever I walk off the golf course, I thank God that I'm able to tell a joke. I thank God I'm good at something.

I don't want to be a spokesman for family values, but that's the way my standup is perceived.

I'm always giving myself the Alzheimer's test. My shrink told me to do this. It takes one minute. You name every word that comes to mind that begins with the letter F.

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.

If golf wasn't enjoyable and there wasn't a lot of humor and enjoyment, even though the game is so frustrating, you would wonder why you put yourself through it.

I'm aging, and the world is seeing it.

I have the show because I'm insecure. It's my insecurity that makes me want to be a comic, that makes me need the audience.

In school, I wasn't a very good student - I was very irresponsible and never did the studying but always liked to get the laugh.

I love standup and I haven't given it up.

People are going to see both of us and think it's an Abbott and Costello kind of thing. It's not an easy switch. It's not an easy transition from TV to film.

Right after 'Raymond' I had a world-is-my-oyster attitude, but I found out I don't like oysters. I had this existential emptiness. 'What is my purpose? Who am I?' I had a big identity crisis.

Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they're born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.

In a way, comedy is like sex. The more noise you hear, the better you think you're doing.

When you go to standup, there seems to be a common denominator of some form of need or want for validation from the audience that maybe you were lacking as a kid.

The comics that are just conversing with you up there and drawing on their own life, yeah, I guess so. I guess some do political humor, some do topical humor, but the ones that I like, the ones that are appealing to me, were guys who were just talking to you about their life.

I do still get intimidated by certain things.

If I'm really considering doing film from now on then that is the smart thing to do, or you can go either way. You can just do the same character over and over again and make a different comedy like over and over again.

I lived at home till I was 29.

When I dance people think Im looking for my keys.

You don't want to shock them and do something totally opposite, but you also want to play a different character.

The first time I played golf was in Flushing Meadows, Queens, when I was about 16 or 17. They had an 18-hole pitch-and-putt. My buddies and I would hop the fence and sneak on and play.

Having children is like living in a frat house nobody sleeps everythings broken and theres a lot of throwing up.

My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.

I have this mistress: show business.

The successful golfers - they're like astronauts or pilots. They have that demeanor that they can focus and stay within that one moment and nothing distracts them. That's not me.

It seems to be a common denominator with a lot of comics, this low self-esteem thing.

I still feel like an immature idiot inside, but I look in the mirror and - as a friend of mine once said- this old guy keeps getting in the way.

If my father had hugged me even once, I'd be an accountant right now.

The best comedy, I feel, comes in a drama because it balances each other out.

I would get my student loans, get money, register and never really go. It was a system I thought would somehow pan out.