He looks about as happy as a penguin in a microwave.

Darts players are probably a lot fitter than most footballers in overall body strength.

Well as giraffes say, you don't get no leaves unless you stick your neck out.

Under that heart of stone beat muscles of pure flint.

He's as cool as a prized marrow!

The players are under so much duress, it's like duressic park out there!

He looks about as happy as a penguin in a microwave.

Look at the man go, its like trying to stop a water-buffalo with a pea-shooter.

The atmosphere is so tense, if Elvis walked in, with a portion of chips... you could hear the vinegar sizzle on them.

It's like trying to pin down a kangaroo on a trampoline.

There's only one word for that - magic darts!

When Alexander of Macedon was 33, he cried salt tears because there were no more worlds to conquer. Eric Bristow is only 27.

That's the greatest comeback since Lazarus.

There hasn't been this much excitement since the Romans fed the Christians to the Lions.

That was like throwing three pickled onions into a thimble!

He's about as predictable as a Wasp on speed.

As a kid, I was school swot, but I used to hang around the billiard halls, learning that Geordie sense of humour, mixing with low-lifes. They were the sort who'd pick your pocket and then say 'Here you are lad, here's tuppence, get yourself some chips'. I was a good rugby player, a good runner, so I fitted in at Cambridge quite easily.

At various points, I've had a massive chip on me shoulder. I had fights about me accent with loads of those fellers you get from third-class public schools. They used to think I was speaking German.

Golden rule of life: never underestimate your rivals.

I talk fast because I'm asthmatic, and I'm desperately hoping the words get out before my breath fails.

I want the little lassies who are thinking of going to a nightclub in Cardiff to stop to see what that guy's screaming for, or Grandma to put her knitting down to see why that guy's chatting about Alexander the Great. I'm after pulling in, whether it's in Manila, Beijing or whatever, the biggest possible audience.

I'm a postmodern commentator, and so, in a cheeky parallel to James Joyce or James Kelman, I get to places, verbally, that are a little unusual - when I talk about Jocky Wilson and end up sounding like a Jackson Pollock of the commentary box.

I'm never quite as excited as people think because with my voice, when I shout, I squeak.

I'm the world's worst after-dinner speaker. I need pictures to respond to. I was the voice of the lottery balls once and got the sack.

It's a form of mental and verbal gymnastics, and one of the things that appeals to me most about commenting on darts is that no one knows exactly what I'm going to come out with next - and neither do I.

The thing about darts is that you've got to shout. It's not like cricket where you can talk to Michael Atherton and ask him to analyse the bloody nuances. Darts does not have nuances. You've got to hurl yourself at it.

The thing with darts players is they have always appeared available. They don't have to live like monks. I've only ever met one dry player in 35 years.

You can get the dart player out of the pub, but you can't get the pub out of the dart player.

Well as giraffes say you dont get no leaves unless you stick your neck out.

Golden rule of life never underestimate your rivals.

I stand before you as a writer without any ground of being out of which to write: really blown about from country to country, culture to culture till I feel - till I am - nothing. As it happens, I like it that way.

As long as people are clear on what they need to do and what's going on, you're very likely to succeed. When nobody is clear, then you're guaranteed to fail.

Drama seems to kind of surround me.

I love animals and feel very strongly that people should not be allowed to buy a pet if they are not able to look after it.

My Dad, a small-town lawyer, was also named Paul. Until we lost him when I was 16, he was a gentle presence in my life. I like to think he'd be proud of me and my sister and brothers, because I'm sure proud of him and of where I come from, Janesville, Wisconsin.

My mothers menu consisted of two choices Take it or leave it.

I'm just here for this one purpose, and that's to try and get better each and every day and try and win as much as I can, while I can.

I think that tennis is a lady's sport, so we should look out there like ladies.

I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce.

Coming up with a ballpark figure on how much you need to pay your expenses, such as your mortgage or rent, insurance, and utilities, is the first place to start when developing your ultimate goal of becoming a multimillionaire.

I'm not sure I believe in the whole 'ghost-afterlife' thing, but I think places are marked by people who have been there.

What you feel spiritually. I think a lot of that has to do with it. If you have no spiritual life, chances are everything is going to aggravate you, you're going to fly off the handle at everything and that's what I did in the past. I've kind of got that under control now.

My childhood was as heavily gendered as any you would find in a working-class household in Lincolnshire.

It really is individual for everyone, but for me, theater is where I learn and grow, and that is always a good thing.

My form is more on the lines of a Chinese porcelain-jar juggler. They learn it as a child. They learn, learn, learn, learn - but not with a porcelain jar. Then, when they're ready to perform, they're taken to a museum, and they're given a porcelain jar for a lifetime to use. When they're done, it's returned to the museum.

The left puts a lot of faith in a lot of people in the past that were dismal failures that they think are the greatest people who ever lived.

I always kept myself fairly fit.

The most perfect expression of human behavior is a string quartet.

I want to be really proactive in working with the progressive business community in Australia and also reaching out to rural and regional Australia in order to assist in the sustainability crisis and the food security crisis.