That's the greatest comeback since Lazarus.

Darts players are probably a lot fitter than most footballers in overall body strength.

Well as giraffes say, you don't get no leaves unless you stick your neck out.

Under that heart of stone beat muscles of pure flint.

He's as cool as a prized marrow!

The players are under so much duress, it's like duressic park out there!

He looks about as happy as a penguin in a microwave.

Look at the man go, its like trying to stop a water-buffalo with a pea-shooter.

The atmosphere is so tense, if Elvis walked in, with a portion of chips... you could hear the vinegar sizzle on them.

It's like trying to pin down a kangaroo on a trampoline.

There's only one word for that - magic darts!

When Alexander of Macedon was 33, he cried salt tears because there were no more worlds to conquer. Eric Bristow is only 27.

That's the greatest comeback since Lazarus.

There hasn't been this much excitement since the Romans fed the Christians to the Lions.

That was like throwing three pickled onions into a thimble!

He's about as predictable as a Wasp on speed.

As a kid, I was school swot, but I used to hang around the billiard halls, learning that Geordie sense of humour, mixing with low-lifes. They were the sort who'd pick your pocket and then say 'Here you are lad, here's tuppence, get yourself some chips'. I was a good rugby player, a good runner, so I fitted in at Cambridge quite easily.

At various points, I've had a massive chip on me shoulder. I had fights about me accent with loads of those fellers you get from third-class public schools. They used to think I was speaking German.

Golden rule of life: never underestimate your rivals.

I talk fast because I'm asthmatic, and I'm desperately hoping the words get out before my breath fails.

I want the little lassies who are thinking of going to a nightclub in Cardiff to stop to see what that guy's screaming for, or Grandma to put her knitting down to see why that guy's chatting about Alexander the Great. I'm after pulling in, whether it's in Manila, Beijing or whatever, the biggest possible audience.

I'm a postmodern commentator, and so, in a cheeky parallel to James Joyce or James Kelman, I get to places, verbally, that are a little unusual - when I talk about Jocky Wilson and end up sounding like a Jackson Pollock of the commentary box.

I'm never quite as excited as people think because with my voice, when I shout, I squeak.

I'm the world's worst after-dinner speaker. I need pictures to respond to. I was the voice of the lottery balls once and got the sack.

It's a form of mental and verbal gymnastics, and one of the things that appeals to me most about commenting on darts is that no one knows exactly what I'm going to come out with next - and neither do I.

The thing about darts is that you've got to shout. It's not like cricket where you can talk to Michael Atherton and ask him to analyse the bloody nuances. Darts does not have nuances. You've got to hurl yourself at it.

The thing with darts players is they have always appeared available. They don't have to live like monks. I've only ever met one dry player in 35 years.

You can get the dart player out of the pub, but you can't get the pub out of the dart player.

Well as giraffes say you dont get no leaves unless you stick your neck out.

Golden rule of life never underestimate your rivals.

That does not mean that we must forego just and fair criticism, or refrain from opposition to policies which are debatable or which do not command our approval.

With Hitchcock I had little relationship. I was called to replace Bernard Herrmann, his favorite composer, in Torn Curtain, after the bitter fight between them.

It's all about proving it on the track and proving to people that have different views wrong.

What I decide to wear literally depends on how I'm feeling that day.

If you're a comedian, you are looking for material in daily life.

It is the stars, The stars above us, govern our conditions.

I could never be with a woman who felt like she needed to change me.

The Great Idea in advertising is far more than the sum of the recognition scores, the ratings and all the other superficial indicators of its success; it is in the realm of myth, to which measurements cannot apply.

Popular culture tells you that schools and parents don't know what's going on, the police are dogs, politicians are all liars and scum, and any crime that's not committed by the Mafia is done by the CIA.

The obvious can sometimes be illuminating when perceived in an unhabitual way.

Corn can add inches in a single day if you listened you could hear it grow.

As long as there is rape... there is not going to be any peace or justice or equality or freedom. You are not going to become what you want to become or who you want to become. You are not going to live in the world you want to live in.

Painting is like child birth you forget how hard it is until you do it again.

Some people around you will not understand your journey. They don’t need to; it’s not for them.

All is ephemeral fame and the famous as well.

Don't forget it's daylight savings time. You spring forward, then you fall back. It's like Robert Downey Jr. getting out of bed.

I'm kind of boring.

Longing is like a seed that wrestles in the ground.

I will never forget the bright September day, standing at my desk in the White House, when my young assistant said that a plane had hit the World Trade Center - and then a second one - and a third, the Pentagon.