Actually, we've done 75 of these shows and every one of them has sold out. But then we buy all the tickets.

Actually, we've done 75 of these shows and every one of them has sold out. But then we buy all the tickets.

I figure you're only here for a matter of moments. Ever since I was a kid watching movies I've always wanted to make people laugh or have some sort of emotional reaction.

When I watch TV, I'm embarrassed by some of what's on.

I've known Harvey for over 40 years and I worked with him on the Burnett show for 11 years. I guess you could say we're about as close as you can get to being a comedy team.

I don't watch a lot of TV anymore. A lot of it isn't the kind of thing you can feel comfortable with watching with your kids. And I still feel that way even though, now, my kids are in their 30s.

Harvey never had an original idea or thought in his life. I was out wandering around the country doing charity benefits, mainly, when I asked him to come along.

My career is pretty much over. I'm out in the Valley eating soft-boiled eggs.

Don Knotts was a really big influence, especially on the Steve Allen show. I mean, look at the guy, his entire life is in his face.

You can't TV surf without coming across an Andy of Mayberry episode where you've just got to watch Don as Barney. That's why I put Don in several of my movies.

People enjoy sitting back knowing they won't hear a lot of four-letter words.

We kept a broad audience, and we didn't make fun of people who had necessarily made mistakes in their life and burned them to the ground. We made fun of a commercial or a movie or ourselves.

As a kid I was short and only weighed 95 pounds. And though I was active in a lot of Sports and got along with most of the guys, I think I used comedy as a defense mechanism. You know making someone laugh is a much better way to solve a problem than by using your fists.

If only my folks had beaten me, I could have gotten some material about my miserable childhood. But as it is, I've had a great life.

I like to work a lot with wood. I make furniture that falls apart. I also sew.

I've never really taken anything very seriously. I enjoy life because I enjoy making other people enjoy it.

Nowadays they have 12 directors and 15 producers and 30 writers. And all the writers want their lines said a certain way-which isn't necessarily funny. I mean the lines aren't necessarily so funny to begin with.

At first I wanted to be a jockey. I rode horses in Cleveland but I kept falling off and I was afraid of horses. So there wasn't much of a future in it.

A lot of people like to live on laurels that happened 20 or 30 years ago, but it's nice to get awards. It's nice to be labeled and things like that, but I'm not sure everybody qualifies.

I avoid all the language and nudity and violence and everything. I have enough of that at home.

I have a lot of awards in my house that I have absolutely no idea what they are for.

I think there are a lot of things out there that are humorous that people don't realize until you actually show them what is going on. Saran Wrap for one thing. You know, you could pull enough of that out of the box and it will actually kill you. It will get a hold of you, stick to you, and choke you to death.

I was dyslexic - was, still am - 'cause I would see words that weren't there. And people just started laughing, and I thought, well, this is a good way to make a living. I'll just go downtown to read and have people laugh, you know?

If I wouldn't offend my religion or God, why would I want to offend an audience because in effect those people are being watched over by the same person.

My parents were very funny - they didn't know it. But they were. They were actually sharing an IQ.

The reason 'The Carol Burnett Show' did so well in the ratings is because people were looking for that comfort zone when the whole family sat around and watched television and enjoyed it.

When you're small, you either are funny, or you get beat up a lot.

It's always been my dream to do a dance scene with Anthony Hopkins.

Beauty is being comfortable and confident in your own skin.

I grew up in Texas, eating meat five times a day, and I liked meat. But I began being a vegetarian when I was 19 because I found that I felt better.

You have to hit the fastball to play in the big leagues.

You can't just count on becoming a syndicated cartoonist. I actually tried to calculate the odds once, and the best I could come up with is a 1-in-36,000 chance. And the odds of getting hit by lightning are 1 in 7,900 - which kind of shows how long those odds are.

The modern mind tends to be more and more critical and analytical in spirit, hence it must devise for itself an engine of expression which is logically defensible at every point and which tends to correspond to the rigorous spirit of modern science.

I'm happy to report that everybody whose face I've wanted to punch on Earth has already been punched.

Keep behind and you shall be put in front keep out and you shall be kept in.

Five years ago, Samira did not want to continue in the regular school system in Iran. To help her with her education, I set up a home school. It wasn't just for my family, it was open to other friends.

My love of performing goes way back. My mom got me on 'Romper Room' when I was five - it was my favorite show. But they couldn't control me. I would run up and smack the camera, and I'd jump around and do my little flips and routines. I wish I could get that tape now.

I'd love to play a lead in the theatre.

I always wanted to be a zookeeper when I was growing up, and I've wound up a zookeeper! I've been working with the Los Angeles Zoo for 45 years! I'm the luckiest old broad on two feet because my life is divided absolutely in half - half animals and half show business. You can't ask for better than two things you love the most.

One of the things that was really an issue was I did not want to just be a woman secretary of state. I wanted to be a secretary of a state who was a woman, but not just chosen for that particular reason.

I am an obsessive flyer, myself.

For me, I think that I don't like feeling pressure from outside sources. I'd rather put the pressure on myself and push myself to do it as good as I can.

Look at Christ, my dear friend: His life was divine through and through, full of self-denial, and He did everything for mankind, finding His satisfaction and His delight in the dissolution of His material being.

An administration without a police executive is powerless and there were many proofs of this.

Basically you have to suppress your own ambitions in order to be who you need to be.

That's the biggest gap in sports, the difference between the winner and the loser of the Super Bowl.

Highlight reels are about that one person. After a barrage of highlight reels, you get the sense that you can do it without a team. But music thrived the most when groups were involved. People lose sight of that - that community makes the world run.

If the people of Utah shall peacefully form a State Constitution tolerating polygamy, will the Democracy admit them into the Union?

Point-to-point transit via low orbit could dramatically speed up international flights, connecting the world even further. And safe, consistent space travel opens up the possibility of commercial space stations, trips to the moon and exploration beyond.