Be prepared, and be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you.

In my youth there were words you couldn't say in front of a girl; now you can't say 'girl.'

Life is like a piano. What you get out of it depends on how you play it.

The Army has carried the American ideal to its logical conclusion. Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on ability.

It is sobering to consider that when Mozart was my age he had already been dead for a year.

Apart from that Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?

On my income tax 1040 it says "Check this box if you are blind." I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.

I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.

I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up.

When you get to fifty-two food becomes more important than sex.

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!

Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal, if you don't use your .

If a person feels he can't communicate, the least he can do is shut up about it.

An actress must never lose her ego - without it she has no talent.

Be prepared, and be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you.

Life is like a sewer... what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

Think as you work, for in the final analysis, your worth to your company comes not only in solving problems, but also in anticipating them.

It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.

Bad weather always looks worse through a window.

I didn't feel the need for anonymous affection, for people in the dark applauding. To me, it would be like writing a novel and then getting up every night and reading your novel.

I have always found it interesting... that there are people who regard copyright infringement as a form of flattery.

I went from adolescence to senility, trying to bypass maturity.

If, after hearing my songs, just one human being is inspired to say something nasty to a friend or, perhaps to strike a loved one, it will all have been worth the while.

Life is like a sewer: what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

My last public performance for money was in 1967. For free, it was 1972, with the exception of two little one-shot, one-song things. But that's just for friends, out of friendship for the people involved, and also because it was fun.

On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.

One of the things I'm proudest of is, on my record 'That Was the Year that Was' in 1965, I made a joke about spending $20 billion sending some clown to the moon. I was against the manned space program then, and I'm even more against it now, that whole waste of money.

Political satire became obsolete when they awarded Henry Kissinger the Nobel Peace Prize.

San Francisco is a city of twenty-something millionaire white kids named Doug.

There's something mathematically satisfying about music: notes fit together and harmony and all that. And mathematics has to do with abstractions and making connections.

You can't be satirical and not be offensive to somebody.

An actress must never lose her ego without it she has no talent.

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that.

Life is like a sewer what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

But in the new math approach the important thing is to understand what youre doing rather than to get the right answer.

You cant be satirical and not be offensive to somebody.

Kind thoughts are rarer than either kind words or deeds. They imply a great deal of thinking about others. This in itself is rare. But they also imply a great deal of thinking about others without the thoughts being criticisms. This is rarer still.

Great deeds are usually wrought at great risks.

I ask every Communist individually to set an example, by deeds and without pretense, a real example worthy of a man and a Communist, in restoring order, starting normal life, in resuming work and production, and in laying the foundations of an ordered life.

Success in crime always invites to worse deeds.

In great deeds something abides.

All great deeds and all great thoughts have a ridiculous beginning. Great works are often born on a street corner or in a restaurant's revolving door.

The men who have furnished me with my greatest inspiration have not been men of wealth, but men of deeds.

Only the other world has substance and reality; only good deeds and holy learning have tangible worth.

We live in deeds, not years; in thoughts, not figures on a dial. We should count time by heart throbs. He most lives who thinks most, feels the noblest, acts the best.

One lives with so many bad deeds on one's conscience and some good intentions in one's heart.

It is thought and feeling which guides the universe, not deeds.

So potent was religion in persuading to evil deeds.

If one begins all deeds well, it is likely that they will end well too.