A humorist is a person who feels bad, but who feels good about it.

Golf may be a hussy, but I love her.

There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have.

Why resist temptation? There will always be more.

Unhappiness is not knowing what we want and killing ourselves to get it.

Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.

There is more sophistication and less sense in New York than anywhere else on the globe.

Don't ever slam a door, you might want to go back.

If I had my life to live over, I would perhaps have more actual troubles but I'd have fewer imaginary ones.

The beggar is the only person in the universe not obliged to study appearance.

Poverty must have many satisfactions, else there would not be so many poor people.

A humorist is a person who feels bad, but who feels good about it.

It takes a lot of things to prove you are smart, but only one thing to prove you are ignorant.

It is a good thing that life is not as serious as it seems to a waiter.

There's one thing about baldness, it's neat.

The brighter you are, the more you have to learn.

Doctors think a lot of patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust.

A humorist is a person who feels bad but who feels good about it.

There is one thing about baldness its neat.

Work is the greatest thing in the world. So we should always save some of it for tomorrow.

Women give us solace, but if it were not for women we should never need solace.

Unhappiness is not knowing what we want, and killing ourselves to get it.

If things haven't been moving favorably on your side, then, tomorrow is another day to try again with a different approach.

Ultimately, I'm not the most prolific person, but I've been doing this for a long time, and I keep on putting out music. The only thing that drives music is the people who are making it.

If you say simply that pressures toward democracy are created by the market, I would say yes.

Beyonce may be a gifted entertainer, but no one should really care what she thinks about any serious issue confronting our nation.

And November sad, "a psalm Tender, trustful, full of balm, Thou must breathe in spirits calm.

We made them drink poison last night and Saddam Hussein's soldiers and his great forces gave the Americans a lesson which will not be forgotten by history. Truly.

I didn't know how to box so I would have looked like a complete street fighter actually, but what we did have to do was pick up some sides and then just memorize them within two days and go there and audition.

I think with Sky and BBC Three and Channel 4, there are some great television platforms, and the stand-up movement in this country is phenomenal. It's like rock n' roll here. Britain's a funny place and there's a lot of funny people coming out of there and a lot of people are finding mediums to express themselves.

Did people care about how a singer sounded live back in the day? I don't really feel like they did. Not everything was being filmed. Today, one huge mess-up, and millions are seeing it. There's a lot more on the line nowadays. We're so cautious and scared of messing up. It adds a lot of stress to a career.

Life's not all beer and skittles

There is no formula for the perfect email Authentic and honest messaging works.

I don't stop when I'm tired i stop when I'm done.

I've had to whine for everything I've ever really wanted.

As I get older I think, contrary to modern assumption but in line with the old Lerner and Lowe song, that it would actually benefit both them and society if - to quote Professor Higgins - a woman could be more like a man.

That's sort of like asking a parent who their favorite child is. It's very hard to determine. Sometimes I'll get feedback from somebody who liked this part of the show. Others like another part of the show.

It took me a long time to get comfortable with the idea of being photographed by a moving or still camera.

The conventional viewpoint says we need a jobs program and we need to cut welfare. Just the opposite! We need more welfare and fewer jobs.

We have been dealt a very weak hand by the financial market meltdown, bailouts, and recession. We can't act like it's a strong one.

Indians mock their corrupt politicians relentlessly, but they regard their honest politicians with silent suspicion. The first thing they do when they hear of a supposedly 'clean' politician is to grin. It is a cliche that honest politicians in India tend to have dishonest sons, who collect money from people seeking an audience with Dad.

I used to play the piano by listening to it - like Chopin pieces, when I was, like, a little kid - and then the minute my parents got me lessons to read music, I couldn't do it anymore.

I do a lot of ceramics.

The teaching fellow establishes the atmosphere of a class in the first few meetings. I have found that students appreciate having the ground rules clearly defined from the start.

London and L.A. are two opposites - I like the difference.

Because, you know, it's never a hard work when you enjoy yourself. Look, I've been here since 57 years, and I don't have to explain why I've stayed so long. I always enjoyed it.