Nothing is improbable until it moves into past tense.

A man never feels more important than when he receives a telegram containing more than ten words.

To insure peace of mind ignore the rules and regulations.

Only the more rugged mortals should attempt to keep up with current literature.

It is not time for mirth and laughter, the cold, gray dawn of the morning after.

One man's poison Ivy is another man's spinach.

A good folly is worth what you pay for it.

In the city a funeral is just an interruption of traffic; in the country it is a form of popular entertainment.

The time to enjoy a European trip is about three weeks after unpacking.

For parlor use, the vague generality is a life saver.

Nothing is improbable until it moves into past tense.

She was short on intellect, but long on shape.

A friend who is near and dear may in time become as useless as a relative.

If it were not for the presents, an elopement would be preferable.

Anybody can win - unless there happens to be a second entry.

Early to bed and early to rise is a bad rule for anyone who wishes to become acquainted with our most prominent and influential people.

After being Turned Down by numerous Publishers, he had decided to write for Posterity.

Do unto yourself as your neighbors do unto themselves and look pleasant.

A good jolly is worth what you pay for it.

One man's poison ivy is another man's spinach.

Opportunity knocks once at every mans door and then keeps on knocking.

In the city a funeral is just an interruption of traffic in the country it is a form of entertainment.

The serpent is helpless unless he finds an apple to work with.

R-E-M-O-R-S-E! Those dry martinis did the work for me; Last night at twelve I felt immense, Today I feel like thirty cents.

Those who have tried meekness know the importance of being important.

One man’s poison ivy is another man’s spinach.

Do unto yourself as your Neighbours do unto Themselves and look Pleasant.

Anybody can win unless there happens to be a second entry.

Art teaches nothing, except the significance of life.

The present contains nothing more than the past, and what is found in the effect was already in the cause.

There are those, I know, who will reply that the liberation of humanity, the freedom of man and mind, is nothing but a dream. They are right. It is. It is the American Dream.

Well, after I had the heart attack, it was a very simple choice. What the doctor told me I did and I did it religiously. I ate nothing but lean turkey breast or chicken breast or a piece of fish that was very lean. I mean I stayed away from everything.

My life is so full of surprises, nothing surprises me any more.

Excuses change nothing, but make everyone feel better.

It is the privilege of the gods to want nothing, and of godlike men to want little.

They haul you up there for, you know, week after week in this kind of star chamber proceeding. Then at the end of it they say, well, we found nothing, but now it's time for special counsel.

Why are there beings at all, instead of Nothing?

Always, your work is the same: You have to tell a story, you have to make a character. It doesn't matter if there are thousands of dollars, millions behind it, or if there is nothing.

For years the Trio did nothing but play for musicians and other hip people. We practically starved to death.

There's nothing worse than talking about yourself to find out that you're not that interesting.

In the kingdom of heaven it is His work that will be crowned, not yours. Anything in you that He has not wrought Himself will count for nothing.

If nothing is to be done in the given situation, he must invent plausible reasons for doing nothing; and if something must be done, he must suggest the something. The unpardonable sin is to propose nothing, when action is imperative.

There is nothing more agreeable in life than to make peace with the Establishment - and nothing more corrupting.

There is sometimes a peculiar confusion in the West that equates progress to whatever is recent or whatever is new, and it is time we understood that progress has nothing to do with the chronology of an idea.

I think I had a more European outlook about the body and sex. The body is in no way dirty, and sex is something beautiful to give to and share with a lover. It has nothing to do with promiscuity, because I only believe in being in love with one man at a time.

Nothing is ever guaranteed, and all that came before doesn't predicate what you might do next.

There ain't nothing from the outside that can lick any of us.

Love is seeing without eyes, hearing without ears; hatred is nothing.

Nothing is harder to direct than a man in prosperity; nothing more easily managed that one is adversity.