Jack Benny

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.

Gags die, humor doesn't.

It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.

A rich man is one who isn't afraid to ask the salesperson to show him something cheaper.

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you dont mind it doesnt matter.

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce. Murder yes but divorce never.

Try to save something while your salary is small; it's impossible to save after you begin to earn more.

Modesty is my best quality.

It's not so much knowing when to speak...but when to pause.

If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Try to save something while your salary is small its impossible to save after you begin to earn more.

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

Give me the fresh air a beautiful partner and a nice round of golf And you can keep the fresh air and the round of golf.

I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.