I was supposed to be on the Tonight Show but I broke my shoulder instead.

I was supposed to be on the Tonight Show but I broke my shoulder instead.

Carrot Top... I gave him advice once and he ran with it. He should thank me.

Red Skelton... I broke into tears when I met him.

Marty Richards is an angel on Earth. A producer that does what he says he'll do. He helped me greatly.

I went to Sirius Satellite Radio and did my show, Rapping With Rip.

Because someone stole Gregory Peck's star on Hollywood Blvd., I have hired a Brink's guard to protect my star!

I went to see Harvey again in Fiddler. Harvey's throat is getting better.

I have a new joke today. Martha Stewart's on suicide watch. They had to unplug all of her ovens.

I've created such a monster.

Let's find a new way to think about the entire taxonomy of solar system objects, and not clutch to this concept of 'planet,' which, of course, only ever meant, 'Do you move against the background stars, regardless of what you're made of?'

When two people love each other, they don't look at each other, they look in the same direction.

I ate some pretty funky, authentic Chinese food in Hong Kong. There was an egg from some bird that's not a chicken. I can't remember what it was, but it was green and brown and not very tasty.

Trump's been a public personality forever, and that's fine if you want him to be a reality-TV host, but if you want him to be president, there's a different standard.

I never suffered from the absence of a father. On the contrary, as a child I was more inclined to see men as a disturbing factor. It made things difficult for me when I started working as a director.

Limitless is your potential. Magnificent is your future.

I do love television. But the business is accelerating and people are not getting the chance to fail.

The death of a 20-year-old woman is intuitively worse than that of a 2-month-old girl, even though the baby has had less life. The 20-year-old has a much more developed personality than the infant, and has drawn upon the investment of others to begin as-yet-unfulfilled projects.

It's hard to make me speechless.

As a writer, you have to be near people and hear stuff. I'm a hamburger and cheese kind of fellow; I'm not Henry David Thoreau.

Some find that very optimistic people have benign illusions about themselves. These people may think they have more control, or more skill, than they actually do. Others have found that optimistic people have a good handle on reality. The jury is still out.

I was an artist - I fancied myself an artist - I sold paintings at bars to pay my rent.

It's very hard to be an innovator at the highest level in any discipline. For some chefs it's merely about combining ingredients, but that's something you can do with your eyes closed.

Memories are like books; a few live in our hearts through life, and the rest, like the bills we pay, are read, and then forgotten.

For me retiring wasn't hard once I knew that that was the decision I was going to make.

Faith is as essential to the spiritual realm as oxygen is to the natural realm.

I have been enlightened. I have fallen into poetry and it has swallowed me up.

Cyber-enabled theft of trade secrets by state actors in China has emerged as a major threat to our economic and, thus, national security.

I go to the Caribbean for a month every January with hand baggage only. All you need is a passport and a credit card.

In Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

Whether or not we communicate it, I definitely seek my mom's acceptance and approval for everything. She has a strong commercial sense of movies and is a quintessential audience. When she doesn't like something, I know there is reason to worry. When she loves something, there is reason to celebrate.

Music has always been really important to me.

Be extremely subtle, even to the point of formlessness. Be extremely mysterious, even to the point of soundlessness. Thereby you can be the director of the opponent's fate.

I like to know who I'm working with, and it's important because they've got to be able to bring something to the party.