What do I do when we're not taping? Sit in a dark room and refine my plans for someday ruling Earth from a blimp. And chess.

The sky, the sky beyond the door is blue.

I'm going to buy some green bananas because by the time I get home they'll be ripe.

When it comes to making love, I may not be the best, but I'm damn gouda.

If I were as much of a man as my woman, I'd be my wife.

Never interrupt me when I'm eating a banana.

What do I do when we're not taping? Sit in a dark room and refine my plans for someday ruling Earth from a blimp. And chess.

You know, I've got a confession to make myself. I'm not really a priest, I've just got my shirt on backwards.

If I were like your mother, I would be a woman.

Never trust sheep.

That is raw dough. Never eat raw dough. They can make worms in your tummy. Worms in your tummy.

I'm Jim Phillips, I have multiple personalities. I'm also a skindiver, a puppeteer, and I was the tenth president of the United States.

Back off or the lizard gets it!

If I were a man with gills, I would be a fish!

I look like Walt Disney just threw up.

I can't sprinkle sprinkles on. I lose control when I have sprinkles. I'm shaky. I still remember the great sprinkle accident of 1982.

I'd rather drive the yellow brick road, you wouldn't happen to know of a rental car place around.

The first rule to living in America is 'Stop tap dancing, you fool!'.

If I could rap, that would be a sensation, but I can't, you see, I'm just a Caucasian.

If I were but a man who would be tall, I would be me.

Drew's a funny guy. Because anything he gets into, he gets in 100%. Even when we were doing 'The Drew Carey Show,' he got into bowling, and suddenly he's phoning up pros for tips and carrying around 3 balls. It's just how he does it.

I did standup for a lot of years, too, but when you come out as a standup, you get the feeling from a crowd - it's a kind of a 'make me laugh' attitude. But when you come out as an improvisor, they realize that they're suggesting everything you do. So they're already invested in the scene, and they actually want it to work.

I love B.C., but you know what taxes are like in Canada.

I was into sports in high school, but I got kicked out of Richmond High at 17, so I never graduated. However, I still get invites to the class reunions... I don't know that I want to see how everyone looks now.

I wasn't particularly funny in high school, but I grew up with three older brothers who were quite funny.

I'm convinced to do improv. All you have to do is listen to what people are saying to you, and then just add more information to what they've just said. That's all there is to improv, but it's the hardest thing to do.

On 'Whose Line,' we had six, seven, eight scenes per show, so everything was pretty quick. And there's a lot of games that we just got tired of, like 'Hats' and 'World's Worst' and 'Hoedown' and stuff.

Theses officers were good friends, so it must have been a terrible argument, because the one who played chess with my father was so angry that he walked over to the dentist's house and got the dentist out of bed and shot him.

Nowadays there is more dynamism in chess, modern players like to take the initiative. Usually they are poor defenders though.

Life's too short for chess.

I believe every chess player senses beauty, when he succeeds in creating situations, which contradict the expectations and the rules, and he succeeds in mastering this situation.

Chess is intellectual gymnastics.

I play chess badly and I've been beaten by my 10-year old son.

I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.

Far be it from me to force anyone into either chess or dressage, but if you choose to do so yourself, in my opinion there is only one way: follow the rules.

I also follow chess on the Internet, where Kasparov's site is very interesting.

Whoever sees no other aim in the game than that of giving checkmate to one's opponent will never become a good Chess player.

No, no, it is obvious that the ECU should act as a close alliance for the benefit of chess.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Nowadays the dynamic element is more important in chess - players more often sacrifice material to obtain dynamic compensation.

She felt like a chess player who, by the clever handling of his pieces, sees the game taking the course intended. Her eyes were bright and tender with a smile as they glanced up into his; and her lips looked hungry for the kiss which they invited.

I try to help developing junior chess. When I lived in USSR, I got a lot of free help from very good coaches - now I am trying to repay that debt.

The human element, the human flaw and the human nobility - those are the reasons that chess matches are won or lost.

My dad sacrificed many things in life for me. He abandoned a very promising and lucrative career of an army officer just so that he could continue helping me with my chess and accompanying me to tournaments.

There was one point in high school actually when I was on the chess team, marching band, model United Nations and debate club all at the same time. And I would spend time with the computer club after school. And I had just quit pottery club, which I was in junior high, but I let that go.

Chess is a sport. The main object in the game of chess remains the achievement of victory.

When I speak of the beauty of a game of chess, then naturally this is subjective. Beauty can be found in a very technical, mathematical game for example. That is the beauty of clarity.

In my country, at that time, being a champion of chess was like being a King. At that time I was a King - and when you are King you feel a lot of responsibility, but there is nobody there to help you.

The Soviet Union was an exception, but even there chess players were not rich. Only Fischer changed that.