Advertising: the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.

A half truth, like half a brick, is always more forcible as an argument than a whole one. It carries better.

Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.

Writing is no trouble: you just jot down ideas as they occur to you. The jotting is simplicity itself - it is the occurring which is difficult.

The landlady of a boarding-house is a parallelogram - that is, an oblong angular figure, which cannot be described, but which is equal to anything.

Men are able to trust one another, knowing the exact degree of dishonesty they are entitled to expect.

Each section of the British Isles has its own way of laughing, except Wales, which doesn't.

A sportsman is a man who every now and then, simply has to get out and kill something.

He flung himself from the room, flung himself upon his horse and rode madly off in all directions.

Astronomy teaches the correct use of the sun and the planets.

If every day in the life of a school could be the last day but one, there would be little fault to find with it.

Life, we learn too late, is in the living, the tissue of every day and hour.

What we call creative work, ought not to be called work at all, because it isn't. I imagine that Thomas Edison never did a day's work in his last fifty years.

I detest life-insurance agents: they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so.

It's called political economy because it is has nothing to do with either politics or economy.

It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing by people who can't fish.

The Lord said 'let there be wheat' and Saskatchewan was born.

The classics are only primitive literature. They belong to the same class as primitive machinery and primitive music and primitive medicine.

Advertising: the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.

It takes a good deal of physical courage to ride a horse. This, however, I have. I get it at about forty cents a flask, and take it as required.

On the same bill and on the same side of it there should not be two charges for the same thing.

There are two things in ordinary conversation which ordinary people dislike - information and wit.

It may be those who do most, dream most.

Golf may be played on Sunday, not being a game within the view of the law, but being a form of moral effort.

I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

Personally, I would sooner have written Alice in Wonderland than the whole Encyclopedia Britannica.

Electricity is of two kinds, positive and negative. The difference is, I presume, that one comes a little more expensive, but is more durable; the other is a cheaper thing, but the moths get into it.

We think of the noble object for which the professor appears tonight, we may be assured that the Lord will forgive any one who will laugh at the professor.

Now, the essence, the very spirit of Christmas is that we first make believe a thing is so, and lo, it presently turns out to be so.

It's a lie, but Heaven will forgive you for it.

A half truth like half a brick is always more forcible as an argument than a whole one. It carries better.

Humour is essentially a comforter reconciling us to things as they are in contrast to things as they might be.

With the Great Detective to think was to act and to act was to think. Frequently he could do both together.

We think of the noble object for which the professor appears tonight we may be assured that the Lord will forgive any one who will laugh at the professor.

The tears of childhood fall fast and easily, and evil be to him who makes them flow.

There is little evidence that our individual intelligence has improved through recorded history.

The intelligence of the lower forms of animal life, like a great deal of human intelligence, does not involve a self.

The Germans certainly - the intelligence service believed that there were WMD. It turns out that we were all wrong, probably in my judgment, and that is most disturbing.

I have met with some of them - very honest fellows, who, with all their stupidity, had a kind of intelligence and an upright good sense, which cannot be the characteristics of fools.

The Gorillaz cartoons seem more real to me than the actual people on TV. Because at least you know that there's some intelligence behind the cartoons, and there's a lot of work that's gone into it, so it can't all be just a lie.

The Clinton White House today said they would start to give national security and intelligence briefings to George Bush. I don't know how well this is working out. Today after the first one Bush said, 'I've got one question: What color is the red phone?'

I wasn't privy to all of the intelligence that was coming in about Guatemala, but I did see the traffic that was coming in from Guatemala City, because it was very relevant to me, and of course I exchanged what I had with the chief of station in Guatemala City.

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.

A government for the people must depend for its success on the intelligence, the morality, the justice, and the interest of the people themselves.

Anyone who conducts an argument by appealing to authority is not using his intelligence; he is just using his memory.

The exact measure of the progress of civilization is the degree in which the intelligence of the common mind has prevailed over wealth and brute force.

The intelligence investigation under the leadership of Senator Church, which I know has helped cause this investigation by you, points out that the agencies did not disclose certain facts to us and that certain plots were going on.

The prompt assimilation of that intelligence will be essential if we are to avoid another September 11th.