I hate Shakespeare. I think Shakespeare's rubbish.

You should never meet your heroes. Paul Newman... I was so excited about meeting him, but he turned up in shell suit bottoms, slippers, and a jumper. He was just so worn out and old, he wanted to go home.

I like old people falling over, that's what makes me laugh.

I think over there in Montreal they're a bit hardcore with the old homos. They're not that keen on them.

I haven't really got much get up and go. I can't believe I'm on the telly. I'm so lazy.

I'm just generally hugely frustrated, I'm a very, very frustrated man. I'm just a ball of pent-up frustration.

I was quite pleased that Prince Philip didn't say anything like, I hate queers! He was quite well behaved.

I've met Nicole Kidman, Elton John, loads of people.

I didn't really want to be a comedian.

I went to Montreal. My first gig went very badly. They just weren't laughing at anything. I found out they were a load of Christians, and it was a gig to raise money for a new church roof.

If you go on stage with the wrong attitude, or something in your performance is off, you can lose an audience in the first minute. That first minute is crucial.

I was at college doing performing arts, and just spending all my time mucking about, and the lecturers thought I would be pretty good at stand-up, so I gave it a whirl.

I hate Shakespeare. I think Shakespeare's rubbish.

We had our first meeting yesterday, and we just laughed all the way through, so if we can bottle that, then I'll be happy. We just get on, and that's half the battle.

A lot of comedians, when they have a bad gig, will blame everything but themselves. They'll blame the crowd, or the room was wrong, it had a weird vibe, or the promoter promoted a weird atmosphere.

I still get excited about meeting celebrities, because I don't think I'm a celebrity myself.

It's Charley's Aunt and The Odd Couple rolled into one.

I'd love to do acting, but it'd definitely have to be comedy. I can't do serious. It's completely beyond me.

I hate wasting people's time.

I hate failure and that divorce was a Number One failure in my eyes. It was the worst period of my life. Neither Desi nor I have been the same since, physically or mentally.

You either love or you hate. You live in the middle, you get nothing.

I used to smoke two packs a day and I just hate being a nonsmoker... but I will never consider myself a nonsmoker because I always find smokers the most interesting people at the table.

I hate the crazy, neurotic characters beyond a certain point.

I hate Stanley Clark, but I have to admit he's playing Jazz whether I like it or not.

In the past I've made movies that were pretty universally liked. You can't really hate them. You can discard them, but you can't really hate them.

In a war, you must hate somebody or love somebody; you must have a position or you cannot stand what goes on.

Listen kid, take my advice, never hate a song that has sold half a million copies.

The man of knowledge must be able not only to love his enemies but also to hate his friends.

The high point of civilization is that you can hate me and I can hate you but we develop an etiquette that allows us to deal with each other because if we acted solely upon our impulse we'd probably go to war.

I hate leaving home. I love what I do, but I'd love to go home every night.

I hate it when people talk about Buffy as being campy... I hate camp, I don't enjoy dumb TV. I believe Aaron Spelling has single-handedly lowered SAT scores.

When people say 'love to hate', they actually mean 'love to be appalled by' - if they truly hated them, they'd never repeat a catch phrase.

I hate getting bored.

Don't hate the media, become the media.

The middlebrow, I hate.

If a university official's letter accusing a speaker of having a proclivity to commit speech crimes before she's given the speech - which then leads to Facebook postings demanding that Ann Coulter be hurt, a massive riot and a police-ordered cancellation of the speech - is not hate speech, then there is no such thing as hate speech.

We must make it clear that a platform of 'I hate gay men and women' is not a way to become president of the United States.

I'm like an old dog, I hate to be run off from home.

You've got to be taught to hate and fear.

Be grateful for luck. Pay the thunder no mind - listen to the birds. And don't hate nobody.

Don't hate the word, playa; hate the dictionary.

Pick a theme and work it to exhaustion... the subject must be something you truly love or truly hate.

The correlative to loving our neighbors as ourselves is hating ourselves as we hate our neighbors.

I hate artists who are not of their time.

You don't only worry about the people who hate or resent you; in a way, you're more worried about the people who love you.

Because I hate fake people and I always think I'm never fake.

Fish sticks and beef stew that millions of children love to hate.

Those are serious questions of war and peace, of freedom or tyranny, whether or not there is ever going to be a hope of us instilling some democratic systems in a part of the world that frankly is breeding hate and destruction directed right at us.

Recipe writers hate to write about heat. They despise it. Because there aren't proper words for communicating what should be done with it.