Wit ought to be a glorious treat like caviar; never spread it about like marmalade.

It's discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.

I love criticism just so long as it's unqualified praise.

I've sometimes thought of marrying - and then I've thought again.

Someday I suspect, when Jesus has definitely got me for a sunbeam, my works may be adequately assessed.

My body has certainly wandered a good deal, but I have an uneasy suspicion that my mind has not wandered enough.

Work is much more fun than fun.

We have no reliable guarantee that the afterlife will be any less exasperating than this one, have we?

Mona Lisa looks as if she has just been sick, or is about to be.

There's always something fishy about the French.

Never mind, dear, we're all made the same, though some more than others.

The higher the building the lower the morals.

Let's drink to the spirit of gallantry and courage that made a strange Heaven out of unbelievable Hell, and let's drink to the hope that one day this country of ours, which we love so much, will find dignity and greatness and peace again.

I have always paid income tax. I object only when it reaches a stage when I am threatened with having nothing left for my old age - which is due to start next Tuesday or Wednesday.

People are wrong when they say opera is not what it used to be. It is what it used to be. That is what's wrong with it.

Extraordinary how potent cheap music is.

If you must have motivation, think of your paycheck on Friday.

Wit ought to be a glorious treat like caviar; never spread it about like marmalade.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I have a memory like an elephant. In fact, elephants often consult me.

I'm not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.

Just say the lines and don't trip over the furniture.

That strange feeling we had in the war. Have you found anything in your lives since to equal it in strength? A sort of splendid carelessness it was, holding us together.

It is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.

Success took me to her bosom like a maternal boa constrictor.

Squash - that's not exercise, it's flagellation.

I'll go through life either first class or third, but never in second.

I don't believe in astrology. The only stars I can blame for my failures are those that walk about the stage.

I don't believe in astrology. The only stars I can blame for my failures are those that walk about the stage.

Passion in a dromedary doesnt go so deep a camel when its mating never sobs itself to sleep.

Its discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.

I have a memory like an elephant. In fact elephants often consult me.

If you must have motivation think of your paycheck on Friday.

For gin in cruel sober truth supplies the fuel for flaming youth.

A perfect martini should be made by filling a glass with gin then waving it in the general direction of Italy.

Trust your instincts. If you have no instincts, trust your impulses.

For those whose wit becomes the mother of villainy, those it educates to be evil in all things.

Man forgives woman anything save the wit to outwit him.

Far less envy in America than in France, and far less wit.

A wit should be no more sincere than a woman constant.

At twenty years of age the will reigns; at thirty, the wit; and at forty, the judgment.

Wit is the salt of conversation, not the food.

Wit is the most rascally, contemptible, beggarly thing on the face of the earth.

I'm keeping my acerbic wit completely fueled.

And wit's the noblest frailty of the mind.

Where might is mixed with wit, there is too good an accord in a government.

There is not less wit nor less invention in applying rightly a thought one finds in a book, than in being the first author of that thought.

Woman: the peg on which the wit hangs his jest, the preacher his text, the cynic his grouch and the sinner his justification.

Converse with men makes sharp the glittering wit, but God to man doth speak in solitude.