Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.

I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.

Money couldn't buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy.

I'm not afraid of dying I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke.

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.

I'm a hero with coward's legs.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

It's all in the mind, you know.

It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't.

For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and finally with a piece of string.

Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

Driver Shepherd and I had been detailed to drive Lt. Budden in the Wireless Truck. We had been standing by vehicles for an hour, and nothing had happened, but it happened frequently.

Is the modern social pattern of unending change and movement the cause of two modern diseases, insecurity and dissatisfaction? How lucky Thomas Hood was to be able to write, 'I remember, I remember the house where I was born.' I don't even know what mine looked like!

Thankfully, we didn't stop at Malta. I think Malta was thankful, too.

The experience of being in the Army changed my whole life; I never believed that an organization such as ours could ever go to war, leave alone win it. It was, as Yeats remarked of the Easter Rising, 'A terrible beauty.'

The night before Tilbury, the Cordon Bleu gourmet dinner turned out Cordon Brown. Six out of ten to the chef for trying and ten out of ten to us for eating it.

We come across thirty or so hurried graves with makeshift wooden markers. 'Private Edwards, E.', a number, and that was all. Fourteen days ago he was alive, thinking feeling, hoping... If war was a game of cards, I'd say someone was cheating.

Im a hero with cowards legs.

My father had a profound influence on me he was a lunatic.

My Father had a profound influence on me he was a lunatic.

Money can't buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.

Rugby is a game for big buggers. if you're not a big bugger, you get hurt. I wasn't a big bugger but i was a fast bugger and therefore I avoided the big buggers.

We should face reality and our past mistakes in an honest, adult way. Boasting of glory does not make glory, and singing in the dark does not dispel fear.

No one can make the album they made 10 years ago with a straight face. There are two reasons: one is you change as a person. To be a true artist, I have to be true to who I am now and write that way. And the second thing is these are different times.

I got lucky. I won the San Francisco Stand-Up Comedy Competition in 1977 while I was still at San Francisco State.

The kinds of games I'm most interested in are narrative games.

I treat my career like it just happened yesterday.

Anybody who speaks quietly and shrivels up in company is unbelievably arrogant.

Though social eugenics was discredited long ago, we still often think of the genome in quasi-eugenic terms. When we read about the latest discovery of a link between a gene and a disease, we imagine that we've learned the cause of the disease, and we may even think we'll get a cure by fixing the gene.

I never thought about doing anything other than making art.

Kindred weaknesses induce friendships as often as kindred virtues.

I can't write my life story without Emmitt and Troy. They can't write their life stories without me. We're tied together forever. This is a day to remember for the rest of our lives.

Everything being a constant carnival, there is no carnival left.

Do not commit to any side or cause but yourself.

Mothers need mothers. Let's be there for one another.

Deja vu dont know exactly what it is...just a coincidental overlapping of events or a past life experience or something which is beyond our vision..

Children whose parents return to study do much better at school. Offenders who persist with studies are much less likely to reoffend. The national mental health strategy recognises the important role adult learning can play for people recovering from mental illness.

I love running dresses! I need to make working out as enjoyable as possible, and a cute outfit is definitely part of that.

Honestly, among my acquaintances there is no woman wearing XS.