Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.

Money couldn't buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy.

I'm not afraid of dying I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke.

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.

I'm a hero with coward's legs.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

It's all in the mind, you know.

It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't.

For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and finally with a piece of string.

Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

Driver Shepherd and I had been detailed to drive Lt. Budden in the Wireless Truck. We had been standing by vehicles for an hour, and nothing had happened, but it happened frequently.

Is the modern social pattern of unending change and movement the cause of two modern diseases, insecurity and dissatisfaction? How lucky Thomas Hood was to be able to write, 'I remember, I remember the house where I was born.' I don't even know what mine looked like!

Thankfully, we didn't stop at Malta. I think Malta was thankful, too.

The experience of being in the Army changed my whole life; I never believed that an organization such as ours could ever go to war, leave alone win it. It was, as Yeats remarked of the Easter Rising, 'A terrible beauty.'

The night before Tilbury, the Cordon Bleu gourmet dinner turned out Cordon Brown. Six out of ten to the chef for trying and ten out of ten to us for eating it.

We come across thirty or so hurried graves with makeshift wooden markers. 'Private Edwards, E.', a number, and that was all. Fourteen days ago he was alive, thinking feeling, hoping... If war was a game of cards, I'd say someone was cheating.

Im a hero with cowards legs.

My father had a profound influence on me he was a lunatic.

My Father had a profound influence on me he was a lunatic.

Money can't buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.

Rugby is a game for big buggers. if you're not a big bugger, you get hurt. I wasn't a big bugger but i was a fast bugger and therefore I avoided the big buggers.

I always looked for a man to rescue me and bring me happiness. I bought into that myth, of course, and looked for my own Prince Charming.

Happiness is the harvest of a quiet eye.

No one is guaranteed happiness. You can pursue it, but if you happen to find success along the way on that road to happiness, Conservatives believe you should not be demonized or penalized for it.

To describe happiness is to diminish it.

All happiness depends on a leisurely breakfast.

So many people have said that to me, that what they really like about Alex is what she brings out in Marissa, and what this situation brings out in her, a hint of happiness and another side to her character.

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.

To be able to throw one's self away for the sake of a moment, to be able to sacrifice years for a woman's smile - that is happiness.

Nothing flatters a man as much as the happiness of his wife; he is always proud of himself as the source of it.

Happiness seems made to be shared.

Aye, I'm tellin' ye, happiness is one of the few things in this world that doubles every time you share it with someone else.

Even when there are times that we're not happy, happiness will creep in.

Character is power; it makes friends, draws patronage and support and opens the way to wealth, honor and happiness.

The greatest happiness is to know the source of unhappiness.

Happiness, contentment, the health and growth of the soul, depend, as men have proved over and over again, upon some simple issue, some single turning of the soul.

Happiness is the real sense of fulfillment that comes from hard work.

The truth is that relative income is not directly related to happiness. Nonpartisan social-survey data clearly show that the big driver of happiness is earned success: a person's belief that he has created value in his life or the life of others.