Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.

One of the most difficult things to contend with in a hospital is that assumption on the part of the staff that because you have lost your gall bladder you have also lost your mind.

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being skin deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?

Man is the only animal that learns by being hypocritical. He pretends to be polite and then, eventually, he becomes polite.

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on.

Some people have such a talent for making the best of a bad situation that they go around creating bad situations so they can make the best of them.

I think success has no rules, but you can learn a great deal from failure.

Hope is the feeling that the feeling you have isn't permanent.

You don't seem to realize that a poor person who is unhappy is in a better position than a rich person who is unhappy. Because the poor person has hope. He thinks money would help.

Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speak by something outside himself like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks.

Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.

Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the first person to have noticed this - is that thereafter you have it.

Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?

I make mistakes; I'll be the second to admit it.

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation.

A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.

The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.

Even though a number of people have tried, no one has ever found a way to drink for a living.

The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.

When the grandmothers of today hear the word "Chippendales," they don't necessary think of chairs.

A man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself - like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks.

Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.

When the grandmothers of today hear the word 'Chippendales', they don't necessary think of chairs.

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me they are wonderful things for other people to go on.

Im tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin deep. Thats deep enough. What do you want and adorable pancreas

Im tired of all this nonsense about beauty being skin deep. Thats deep enough. What do you want an adorable pancreas

Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.

A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.

Marrying a man is like buying something youve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home but it doesnt always go with everything else in the house.

When the grandmothers of today hear the word Chippendales they dont necessarily think of chairs.

Now the thing about having a baby and I cant be the first person to have noticed this is that thereafter you have it.

Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze

I can remember the frustration of not being able to talk. I knew what I wanted to say, but I could not get the words out, so I would just scream.

What I try to do for my readers is to pass on some of the things that I found out about being thirteen after doing it for forty years.

In this watering-place I acted an heroic character, badly studied; and being a novice on such a stage, I forgot my part before a pair of lovely blue eyes.

Young people discovering their sexuality must know they walk with a strong tradition and that they are not alone. They have a right to information without being pressured.

Being a publicist is like management in a lot of ways - you're their friend, you're their mother, you're their confidante.

I mean, all alternative comedy is are comedians that have being doing it for so long, for so long, that they were relaxed enough to start becoming personal on stage.

I became hooked on the idea of being able to shoot an image and process it myself, and end up with a product.

Being a cover artist is not like being a real artist. That's just copying what someone else did.

It is too maddening. I've got to fly off, right now, to some devilish navy yard, three hours in a seasick steamer, and after being heartily sick, I'll have to speak three times, and then I'll be sick coming home. Still, who would not be sick for England?

I don't like being recognised, I have no interest in being famous at all, I just do what I do. If I could be like Captain Kirk and beam myself up and then beam myself down, I would!

I'm glad I'm not Brezhnev. Being the Russian leader in the Kremlin. You never know if someone's tape recording what you say.

Being a musician is what I do, but it's not what I am.

We're all like children. We may think we grow up, but to me, being grown up is death, stopping thinking, trying to find out things, going on learning.

We've had it very clear to the Bosnians that our obligation to equip and train their forces is completely conditional on the foreign forces being gone.

My parents were amazing people who had no business being together - and they knew it.

Teachers started recognizing me and praising me for being smart in science and that made me want to be even smarter in science!

Sure, I get the blues. But what I try to do, is apply joy to the blues, you know? I don't know if it's a technique, or just being bent that way, being raised by the folks I was raised by.