A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.

One of the most difficult things to contend with in a hospital is that assumption on the part of the staff that because you have lost your gall bladder you have also lost your mind.

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being skin deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?

Man is the only animal that learns by being hypocritical. He pretends to be polite and then, eventually, he becomes polite.

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on.

Some people have such a talent for making the best of a bad situation that they go around creating bad situations so they can make the best of them.

I think success has no rules, but you can learn a great deal from failure.

Hope is the feeling that the feeling you have isn't permanent.

You don't seem to realize that a poor person who is unhappy is in a better position than a rich person who is unhappy. Because the poor person has hope. He thinks money would help.

Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speak by something outside himself like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks.

Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.

Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the first person to have noticed this - is that thereafter you have it.

Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?

I make mistakes; I'll be the second to admit it.

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation.

A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.

The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.

Even though a number of people have tried, no one has ever found a way to drink for a living.

The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.

When the grandmothers of today hear the word "Chippendales," they don't necessary think of chairs.

A man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself - like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks.

Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.

When the grandmothers of today hear the word 'Chippendales', they don't necessary think of chairs.

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me they are wonderful things for other people to go on.

Im tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin deep. Thats deep enough. What do you want and adorable pancreas

Im tired of all this nonsense about beauty being skin deep. Thats deep enough. What do you want an adorable pancreas

Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.

A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.

Marrying a man is like buying something youve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home but it doesnt always go with everything else in the house.

When the grandmothers of today hear the word Chippendales they dont necessarily think of chairs.

Now the thing about having a baby and I cant be the first person to have noticed this is that thereafter you have it.

Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze

I hate failure and that divorce was a Number One failure in my eyes. It was the worst period of my life. Neither Desi nor I have been the same since, physically or mentally.

I swear, if you existed I'd divorce you.

Please do not ask me to talk about my divorce. Mr. Ziegfeld and I are such very good friends. It is only a little matter quite between ourselves.

Divorce is the psychological equivalent of a triple coronary bypass.

A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there's less of you.

You can fire your secretary, divorce your spouse, abandon your children. But they remain your co-authors forever.

There's nothing like a family crisis, especially a divorce, to force a person to re-evaluate his life.

Anybody who's been through a divorce will tell you that at one point. they've thought murder. The line between thinking murder and doing murder isn't that major.

I'm not saying that people should not divorce, but at the rate at which it happens here is sick. The kids, they suffer. I don't care what anyone says.

With The Key, it was, I had gone through a divorce and losing my father, and just kinda really reminiscing about how much I loved the traditional side of country music, so I made a record that was really traditional from start to finish.

Sometimes divorce is better than marriage.

To get over my divorce, I got a prescription to live at the Playboy Mansion for a while.

The day I initiated divorce proceedings against Michael Farmer, I was ready to retire to a desert cave and rethink my life.

Peace, of course, is different from divorce; indeed, in essential respects, divorce is the opposite of peace.

My parent's divorce and hard times at school, all those things combined to mold me, to make me grow up quicker. And it gave me the drive to pursue my dreams that I wouldn't necessarily have had otherwise.

As soon as she gets her divorce one of us is going to marry her. We don't know which. She is about as beautiful a woman as I ever saw, and very witty and well-informed, but it would cost a good deal to keep her in diamonds.

I believe I went through a divorce. My relationship with Ellen is no less significant as a marriage than my relationship to Coley.