John Barrymore

You never realize how short a month is until you have to pay alimony.

My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments.

If it isn't the sheriff, it's the finance company; I've got more attachments on me than a vacuum cleaner.

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.

Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?

Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.

Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

I am thinking of taking a fifth wife. Why not? Solomon had a thousand wives and he is a synonym for wisdom.

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.

I've read some of your modern free verse and wonder who set it free.

You can't drown yourself in drink. I've tried, you float.

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open.

A man must pay the fiddler, in my case it so happened that a whole symphony orchestra often had to be subsidized.

You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didnt know you left open.

Dying is the last thing I will ever do.

I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o clock in the morning.

America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin For one dollar and use it up in two weeks.

The good die young, because they see it's no use living if you have got to be good.

You can only be as good as you dare to be bad.

In Genesis, it says that it is not good for a man to be alone; but sometimes it is a great relief.

The good die young because they see its no use living if youve got to be good.

The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.

My wife is the kind of girl who will not go anywhere without her mother, and her mother will go anywhere.

In Genesis it says that it is not good for a man to be alone but sometimes it is a great relief.

When archaeologists discover the missing arms of Venus de Milo, they will find she was wearing boxing gloves.

My only regret in the theater is that I could never sit out front and watch me.