Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.

My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments.

If it isn't the sheriff, it's the finance company; I've got more attachments on me than a vacuum cleaner.

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.

Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?

Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.

I am thinking of taking a fifth wife. Why not? Solomon had a thousand wives and he is a synonym for wisdom.

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.

I've read some of your modern free verse and wonder who set it free.

You can't drown yourself in drink. I've tried, you float.

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open.

You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.

I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o clock in the morning.

America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin For one dollar and use it up in two weeks.

The good die young, because they see it's no use living if you have got to be good.

You can only be as good as you dare to be bad.

In Genesis, it says that it is not good for a man to be alone; but sometimes it is a great relief.

The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.

My wife is the kind of girl who will not go anywhere without her mother, and her mother will go anywhere.

When archaeologists discover the missing arms of Venus de Milo, they will find she was wearing boxing gloves.

The good die young because they see its no use living if youve got to be good.

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didnt know you left open.

In Genesis it says that it is not good for a man to be alone but sometimes it is a great relief.

Dying is the last thing I will ever do.

You never realize how short a month is until you have to pay alimony.

A man must pay the fiddler, in my case it so happened that a whole symphony orchestra often had to be subsidized.

My only regret in the theater is that I could never sit out front and watch me.

We assume that celebrities have it easy and so love to watch them having to endure a bit of hardship.

I love Nautilus and stretching. The results are immediate, and that gives me the motivation to continue.

I am a ordinary teenager. I fall in love like everyone else.

I don't call you handsome, sir, though I love you most dearly: far too dearly to flatter you. Don't flatter me.

The essential elements of giving are power and love - activity and affection - and the consciousness of the race testifies that in the high and appropriate exercise of these is a blessedness greater than any other.

My mother keeps things in perspective for me. She makes me realize that the acting I do and love is no more important than what one of my brothers does-he works in a shoe repair shop. If my career ever tapers off, I'll go to college.

Actors love mental disorders, dialects, and corsets. Give them one of the three and they're happy.

My goal is, of course, for this show to do well, and I would love it if people liked it.

I love living on that stage. Without that, I'd die.

I love my DSL, but I love my WiFi more. And I probably get on the Internet 40 percent to 50 percent more because of the combination of those technologies.

But I love New York. I used to set my alarm clock when I was there, and get up at 4am and get a coffee, just because I could.

I love children and I love men, but I can't commit to either for the rest of my life.

Sitting at home the way I do, I'd just love the hear from people. It'd be a great help in passing the time.

The wise are wise only because they love. The fool are fools only because they think they can understand love.

We can recognize the dawn and the decline of love by the uneasiness we feel when alone together.

Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery.

People react to fear, not love; they don't teach that in Sunday School, but it's true.

I sort of understood that when I first started: that you shouldn't repeat a success. Very often you're going to, and maybe the first time you do, it works. And you love it. But then you're trapped.

There is love there. And then there's times when I can't even stomach Simon. You don't have to sit next to him. That's all I have to say.

When I see children, I see the face of God. That's why I love them so much. That's what I see.

One can love a child, perhaps, more deeply than one can love another adult, but it is rash to assume that the child feels any love in return.