Comedy is only as stupid as you are smart.

Don't hate the word, playa; hate the dictionary.

Maybe the best way to get people to be pro-life is to start 'em off in amateur-life.

Dear disgruntled artists: the key to success isn't kicking down the door; it's building your own.

A government full of Democrats would rather have you be a Republican, and a government full of Republicans would rather have you be a Democrat, than have you oppose both.

I watch what I eat every day. I mean, who actually eats with their eyes closed?

He has your finger, but I have your heart.

Don't hate me 'cause I'm booed a fool!

Just because you're upfront with someone doesn't mean you're an honest person; you might just be someone in the passenger seat.

Just because you're scarred for life doesn't mean you should be scared to live.

I'll take a redrum with a rellik please.

I wonder: when a Jehovah's Witness dies and goes to Heaven, does God hide behind the door and pretend He's not home?

Technology forced me to divorce a pixie and remarry a pixel.

As much as it hurts, I would rather miss someone than hit someone.

Comedy is only as stupid as you are smart.

What's love if not the thing you'll do anything and everything to get back once lost? What's hate if not the thing you'll do anything and everything to get rid of once found?

Get tough: don't work under pressure; work over pressure.

Chuck Norris doesn't need to understand the work of James Joyce; James Joyce needs to understand the work of Chuck Norris.

I write my own quotes. Except this one. I obviously stole this from somebody really clever.

I imagine the life of an atheistic praying mantis to be rather torturous.

You might not be able to stomach it, but as long as you can mind it, your heart will be all right.

True friends: only a few have 'em, but only a few will admit that they don't.

Individuality or Unity? I say there's room for both.

The only way to get under me is to get over yourself.

Love becomes logically true when lost but still sought from the same source.

Some people put up a peace sign with one hand. Some people put up the middle finger instead. I use two hands and put up both.

As much as it hurts I would rather miss someone than hit someone.

I mean, all alternative comedy is are comedians that have being doing it for so long, for so long, that they were relaxed enough to start becoming personal on stage.

The kinds of shows that seem to work now, the comedy shows, are those which require very little attention. They're superficial and I like articulate comedy.

A lot of people have gotten into comedy because of certain influences in their lives or events that were painful, and I really have wracked my brain to figure it out. I pretty much have had a normal childhood. Maybe it was too normal.

I grew up wanting to make movies, and along the way I suddenly found that I had a career doing comedy.

I really enjoy comedy. It's a real challenge.

I've mainly been in dramas, so this is one of my first comedy kind of performances in Cecil B. Demented.

Well I sure had been looking for a comedy for years without any success.

Comedy is so hard; it's so much harder than drama. The pacing of it, the energy of it.

Stand-up comedy and poverty. Those were my two main endeavors.

It seems like when I first started, people got into comedy because they wanted to be good comedians.

It is really hard to do comedy; it takes a lot of energy and focus. It's rather like music: It's a lot of hitting notes precisely.

This is one of his most human and most amusing and witty novels. The characters are very Indian. I decided that I wanted to do a comedy, so this was just the right one.

The English can be a very critical, unforgiving people, but criticism can be good. And this is a country that loves comedy.

Black Comedy is a farce that is played in the dark, as you know, with the lights full on. It's the Chinese convention of reversing light and dark, and exactly where anybody is at any given moment is the play.

I'd really been wanting to do a television series. I was looking for a comedy.

I think Andy Kaufman is to comedy what the Velvet Underground was to music - it's like, 80 thousand records sold, but everybody who bought one started a band.

Comedy is really not like any other art form in that it's very specialized and varied in it's content, but generic in it's title.

Comedy may be big business but it isn't pretty.

The duty of comedy is to correct men by amusing them.

My mom and dad are both in stand-up comedy, so that's where I started, that's where I got everything. My roots are holding the mic.

That title, is one of the things I fought for. A lot of people said "But it's stupid, and it's the title of a comedy movie, and people won't take it seriously," and I'm sure there are some people who still don't. But for the most part, people do see that we really have a quality show.

I mean comedy is something that's very personal and people have strong opinions about.