Once I found out how much an Off-Off-Broadway actor makes, I was whoring myself out the next day.

I remember interviewing someone I actually felt bad for, and therefore didn't want to take an ironic stance against him. It actually turned out to be a really funny piece.

I just want to do cool stuff.

Apparently it's cool to watch The Daily Show.

Once I found out how much an Off-Off-Broadway actor makes, I was whoring myself out the next day.

I learned more about elections on election night 2000 than I ever did during my 16 years of schooling.

People want other people to know that they share our sensibility even if they're not exactly sure what that sensibility is.

Why should I be feeling tension? It's The Daily Show.

I want to manufacture a feud.

I was going out for absolutely everything that was in Backstage.

I've got like a week and a half left, all bets are off.

Ethanol is, in its pure form, just as much of a sham as oil.

I didn't hang any pictures in my office for a year because I thought that I would be jinxing myself and have to take them down the next day.

I don't know how this company got the name National Shakespeare Company, because it was literally like retards employing retards.

If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.

I touched an Oscar once. Friend of mine has one, for writing. As soon as I touched it, he said, Now you'll never win one.

I have to stay true to myself.

If people see me in some sort of niche, then that's fine. As long as it's not The Naked Guy, I don't care.

Sometimes we have to actually say, I think you're really funny, but none of your jokes are going to make it on the air. So just answer my questions. Seriously.

I get all of my comedy from CNN.

I actually got the part. And I thought, Well, I'll do it for a while. I'll just quit if it's stupid.

This limited theatrical release was a nice little bonus that I never expected.

The head writer loves that my character is a boor.

I didn't really feel 100 percent comfortable until we started working on the 2004 election.

Pat O'Brien knows nothing. He's on the Hell express.

It's like every day I'm born anew, without Jesus.

You're encouraged to pitch your own story. That way, you'll have more control over what you do.

The show is a satire, which gives us freedom to do anything we want. Satire is the magic word that wipes away any culpability. The media is jealous of this freedom.

Wow. I am really pretentious.

I remember saying in college that I would never do commercials.

The first year or so on The Daily Show is pretty intense in terms of travel. You're going to the worst places in the country, talking to the craziest people in the world.

I don't feel like I even need to contribute.

My favorite actor is Wallace Beery.

I've been a very lucky actor.

I don't think I could be happy as an actor if there was a tyrant on the set.

When I was starting to get noticed as an actor in the 1970s for something other than the third cowboy on the right who ended up dying in every movie or episode, Burt Reynolds was the biggest star in the world.

Most parts that can be played by one actor can equally well be played by another, but not this.

I think, frankly, that I'm a better director than I was an actor.

I knew an actor's career goes up and down and back up again. Your standing in this business can't be your whole identity; otherwise, you're doomed.

I don't think any actor feels comfortable watching themselves in movies. You must be very narcissistic. The problem with your own opinion of yourself is that contrary to the normal spectators, when you watch a film you are in, you only watch yourself.

I don't think there has been any increase in sophistication in the audience. When people are aware of a concept that's easy to understand, and there's an actor who will attract them to the theater and it's a movie that's funny three-quarters of the time, it will be successful.

I never dreamed about being an actor, because that was out of reach. Coming from a small town that was big in farming, and also big in clothing factories, you don't dream about being a professional football player or an actor.

My goal was always to be recognized as a good actor but no one was interested in that, simply because society just wants to warm towards your appearance. This is the great blemish of society.

If you really do want to be an actor who can satisfy himself and his audience, you need to be vulnerable.

To be honest with you, when I got into this I never thought about reviews. I never thought about what people would say about me. I was just a young guy who was excited to become a comedian and an actor and I just wanted to get to do what I got to do.

It was very natural for me to want to disappear into dark theater, I am really very shy. That is something that people never seem to fully grasp because, when you are an actor, you are meant to be an exhibitionist.

I think that I've still not been successful at playing the role of the retired actor, and I'd like to work on that.

And once you cease to be a real person, you stop being a good actor.

When I decided I wanted to be an actor, I said I wanted to work with quality actors and directors.