Wow. I am really pretentious.

I remember interviewing someone I actually felt bad for, and therefore didn't want to take an ironic stance against him. It actually turned out to be a really funny piece.

I just want to do cool stuff.

Apparently it's cool to watch The Daily Show.

Once I found out how much an Off-Off-Broadway actor makes, I was whoring myself out the next day.

I learned more about elections on election night 2000 than I ever did during my 16 years of schooling.

People want other people to know that they share our sensibility even if they're not exactly sure what that sensibility is.

Why should I be feeling tension? It's The Daily Show.

I want to manufacture a feud.

I was going out for absolutely everything that was in Backstage.

I've got like a week and a half left, all bets are off.

Ethanol is, in its pure form, just as much of a sham as oil.

I didn't hang any pictures in my office for a year because I thought that I would be jinxing myself and have to take them down the next day.

I don't know how this company got the name National Shakespeare Company, because it was literally like retards employing retards.

If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.

I touched an Oscar once. Friend of mine has one, for writing. As soon as I touched it, he said, Now you'll never win one.

I have to stay true to myself.

If people see me in some sort of niche, then that's fine. As long as it's not The Naked Guy, I don't care.

Sometimes we have to actually say, I think you're really funny, but none of your jokes are going to make it on the air. So just answer my questions. Seriously.

I get all of my comedy from CNN.

I actually got the part. And I thought, Well, I'll do it for a while. I'll just quit if it's stupid.

This limited theatrical release was a nice little bonus that I never expected.

The head writer loves that my character is a boor.

I didn't really feel 100 percent comfortable until we started working on the 2004 election.

Pat O'Brien knows nothing. He's on the Hell express.

It's like every day I'm born anew, without Jesus.

You're encouraged to pitch your own story. That way, you'll have more control over what you do.

The show is a satire, which gives us freedom to do anything we want. Satire is the magic word that wipes away any culpability. The media is jealous of this freedom.

Wow. I am really pretentious.

I remember saying in college that I would never do commercials.

The first year or so on The Daily Show is pretty intense in terms of travel. You're going to the worst places in the country, talking to the craziest people in the world.

I don't feel like I even need to contribute.

I'm not a great lover of Madonna's voice. She's done very well with what she's got, and I'm sure my voice turns her right off, but she's not my favourite singer.

I tried writing this book about a singer in a wedding band, but realized I only wanted to write the book so I could have an excuse to sing with a wedding band as research. That's not a good enough reason to write a book.

It is without doubt that freedoms of the press and speech need to be protected, but there are undisputed limits to these freedoms, limits that often come into play when national security is threatened.

When models started getting skinnier in the nineties and were becoming sick-looking, I didn't get it! I think that's sending a totally wrong message.

In the United States women develop MS at approximately twice the rate men do, and no one can explain why women are affected most often from the waist down.

Poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings: it takes its origin from emotion recollected in tranquillity.

Detroit is a metaphor for America for Americas challenges and Americas opportunities. It is a hothouse for new innovation for ingenuity and risk taking. That doesnt happen in a lot of American cities. We need to be in Detroit because of that.

I don't like being flattered. It doesn't suit my English sensibilities. Remember, we are the great country of understatement.

Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.

Sloppy language leads to sloppy thought, and sloppy thought to sloppy legislation.

Accomplishment is such a patronizing, dangerous word, isn't it? I haven't really accomplished anything. The most accomplished thing I've done is to have lived this long - 81.

Islamic culture has given us majestic arches and soaring spires; timeless poetry and cherished music; elegant calligraphy and places of peaceful contemplation.

Not managing your time and making excuses are two bad habits. Don't put them both together by claiming you 'don't have the time'.

Cats come and go without ever leaving.

Taoism is the way of water. The most frequent element or symbol refered to in Lao Tzus wrtings is the symbol of water.

Haughtiness lives under the same roof with solitude.

There's something so healthy about young people speaking up in unity.