Jane Hover

Take charge. Children crave limits, which help them understand and manage an often confusing world. Show your love by setting boundaries so your kids can explore and discover their passions safely.

Authoritative parenting is considered ideal, because it has been linked with better mental health and more success for kids. And sure enough, the study found that when parents were more avoidant or anxious in their own romantic relationships, they were less likely to deploy authoritative parenting.

Extend grace. When we focus on our spouse’s attributes rather than their faults, we appreciate them more. When we appreciate them more, we speak more kindly and they feel better about themselves. When this happens, they parent better. Every parent makes mistakes. So be more forgiving and give your spouse a break.

Never criticize him/her in front of the kids. A man who is cut down in front of his children loses on two fronts. He feels worse about himself, and equally damaging, the kids lose respect for their father and treat him differently. These two are very destructive to effective parenting.

If you really want to help your children grow up to be solid and successful adults, give them one of the best gifts that you can: help their other parent. They need a strong relationship with that parent, and you can do a lot to make that happen.

Don't clip your child's wings. Your toddler's mission in life is to gain independence. So when she's developmentally capable of putting her toys away, clearing her plate from the table, and dressing herself, let her. Giving a child responsibility is good for her self-esteem (and your sanity!).

Don't try to fix everything. Give young kids a chance to find their own solutions. When you lovingly acknowledge a child's minor frustrations without immediately rushing in to save her, you teach her self-reliance and resilience.

Remember that discipline is not punishment. Enforcing limits is really about teaching kids how to behave in the world and helping them to become competent, caring, and in control.

Pick your battles. Kids can't absorb too many rules without turning off completely. Forget arguing about little stuff like fashion choices and occasional potty language. Focus on the things that really matter -- that means no hitting, rude talk, or lying.

Play with your children. Let them choose the activity, and don't worry about rules. Just go with the flow and have fun. That's the name of the game.

Read books together every day. Get started when he's a newborn; babies love listening to the sound of their parents' voices. Cuddling up with your child and a book is a great bonding experience that will set him up for a lifetime of reading.

Schedule daily special time. Let your child choose an activity where you hang out together for 10 or 15 minutes with no interruptions. There's no better way for you to show your love.

Encourage daddy time. The greatest untapped resource available for improving the lives of our children is time with Dad -- early and often. Kids with engaged fathers do better in school, problem-solve more successfully, and generally cope better with whatever life throws at them.

Make warm memories. Your children will probably not remember anything that you say to them, but they will recall the family rituals -- like bedtimes and game night -- that you do together.

Be the role model your children deserve. Kids learn by watching their parents. Modeling appropriate, respectful, good behavior works much better than telling them what to do. Fess up when you blow it. This is the best way to show your child how and when she should apologize.

Kiss and hug your spouse in front of the kids. Your marriage is the only example your child has of what an intimate relationship looks, feels, and sounds like. So it's your job to set a great standard.

Respect parenting differences. Support your spouse's basic approach to raising kids -- unless it's way out of line. Criticizing or arguing with your partner will do more harm to your marriage and your child's sense of security than if you accept standards that are different from your own.

Ask your children three "you" questions every day. The art of conversation is an important social skill, but parents often neglect to teach it. Get a kid going with questions like, "Did you have fun at school?"; "What did you do at the party you went to?"; or "Where do you want to go tomorrow afternoon?"

Teach kids this bravery trick. Tell them to always notice the color of a person's eyes. Making eye contact will help a hesitant child appear more confident and will help any kid to be more assertive and less likely to be picked on.

Acknowledge your kid's strong emotions. When your child's meltdown is over, ask him, "How did that feel?" and "What do you think would make it better?" Then listen to him. He'll recover from a tantrum more easily if you let him talk it out.

Show your child how to become a responsible citizen. Find ways to help others all year. Kids gain a sense of self-worth by volunteering in the community. Don't raise a spoiled kid. Keep this thought in mind: Every child is a treasure, but no child is the center of the universe. Teach him accordingly.

Talk about what it means to be a good person. Start early: When you read bedtime stories, for example, ask your toddler whether characters are being mean or nice and explore why.

Explain to your kids why values are important. The simple answer: When you're kind, generous, honest, and respectful, you make the people around you feel good. More important, you feel good about yourself.

Get kids moving. The latest research shows that brain development in young children may be linked to their activity level. Place your baby on her tummy several times during the day, let your toddler walk instead of ride in her stroller, and create opportunities for your older child to get plenty of exercise.

Teach your baby to sign. Just because a child can't talk doesn't mean there isn't lots that she'd like to say. Simple signs can help you know what she needs and even how she feels well before she has the words to tell you -- a great way to reduce frustration.

Stop complaining. We all find fault with our spouses, and we complain about them. But doing this accomplishes two things. It makes us over-focus on our spouses’ faults, and it makes us more negative people. Complaining never leads to anything good.

Pull out the duct tape. When you are ready to take a swipe at your spouse and “point out” how she should do things differently with the kids, hold your tongue. I visually put duct tape over my mouth. If you really have an issue, wait two days to discuss it, and I guarantee that your tone will be very different.

Give random words of praise. When your spouse does something nice for anyone, tell her that she’s kind or that you admire her. Encouraging words repeated over time change how a loved one sees herself. This requires self-discipline to extend to others.

Learn as much as you can about your new environment in advance. Familiarize yourself with the stated values and language of the organization.

Decide what three qualities you want to be known for. This is a basic rule of “personal branding.” Being certain of your three top qualities will allow you to establish a strong platform early on.

Be polite to everyone. The person you push past may turn out to be the person who sits in next to you. The receptionist you ignore now may someday be your boss. Courtesy will pay you back with rich rewards.

Listen for opportunities to connect and then share relevant information about yourself. Don’t wait to be asked about yourself. It’s your job to establish rapport.

Try to speak at the same volume as those in your new environment. Studies show that people respond best to others who speak at the same volume as themselves. Your vocal volume is something you can control, so pay attention to it.

If the transition involves a move to a new city, state, or country, get out and explore. The more you know your way around, the more comfortable you will feel.

Transitions are stressful, so make sure you take care of yourself. Get plenty of rest, eat well and exercise. Now is not the time to crash in the middle of the day from too much sugar or not enough sleep. You want to be alert, refreshed and ready to go.

Just because your environment changes does not mean every aspect of your life has to change with it.

Focusing on this familiarity will still give you that connection to your former situation while transitioning and adapting to a new environment.

Think of it like a security blanket that gives you that safe and calm feeling while you go through something new.

TAKE WHAT IS FAMILIAR AND FIND A WAY TO INCORPORATE IT INTO YOUR NEW ROUTINE OR ENVIRONMENT

If you do not notice any similarities in your new environment, choose something that you truly loved and find a way to add it into your new routine.

Just because your environment or routine changes does not mean you cannot include some old habits—as long as they are good for you, of course.

DEVELOP A NEW ROUTINE AND KEEP AT IT LONG ENOUGH SO IT BECOMES SECOND NATURE AND FAMILIAR

One of the best ways to adapt to a new environment is to start a routine and keep at it for a few weeks until it becomes your new norm.

Instead of always trying a new café every morning for your cup of coffee or going different routes every time you come home from work, stick with the same thing.

Just having one or two things that are consistently regular in your daily life will make you feel a lot more grounded and comfortable in your new surroundings.

DO NOT SHY AWAY FROM TACKLING NEW GROUND AND FORMING NEW ROUTINES. You need to accept the fact that your life is going to include some major changes.

Sometimes settling into a new routine gives you an opportunity to restart your life in a new, and hopefully better direction. Do not be shy to try different things, go to different places and be open minded when it comes to something that you are unsure about. Remember—nothing ventured, nothing gained.

EMBRACE THE UNKNOWN. If you truly want to settle into a new environment, you need to embrace the unknown as if it is an adventure that you have no idea where it will lead you, but it is worth every minute spent on the ride there.

Sometimes one of the best ways to adapt to a new environment is to have a goal that keeps your focus and attention that your life is going through some big changes. Having something to reach for will redirect your attention and keep you from worrying and stressing about these changes.

Try doing something that is completely enjoyable and relaxing, whether it is yoga, photography, sewing or joining a local book club. Time spent doing something you truly enjoy means less time stressing about everything else.

Adapting to a new environment is more about a positive attitude than anything. If it’s your decision for change, see it as your next great adventure.

If it’s your decision for change, see it as your next great adventure. If the change has been forced upon you, make it easier to settle in by accepting that the change is going to happen so you might as well do everything you can to make it easier to deal with.

Concentrate on the positive aspects of your new environment. Big life changes are never easy and making a few mistakes comes with the territory. Relax, take things one day at a time and give yourself time to adjust. Before too long your new environment might just begin to feel a lot like home. 

He loved me. He loved me, but he doesn’t love me anymore, and it’s not the end of the world.

To love and win is the best thing. To love and lose is the next best.

For a long time, the fact that I was divorced was the most important thing about me. And now it’s not. Now the most important thing about me is that I’m old.

Healing yourself is connected with healing others.

I mean, if the relationship can’t survive the long term, why on earth would it be worth my time and energy for the short term?

The moving finger writes, and having written moves on. Nor all thy piety nor all thy wit, can cancel half a line of it.

It’s much more interesting to try and understand what binds two people together. Why we stay with each other is much more of a mystery than why we don’t.

Everyone’s allowed to be in love with the wrong person at some point. In fact, it’s a mistake not to be.

When things break, it’s not the actual breaking that prevents them from getting back together again. it’s because a little piece gets lost — the two remaining ends couldn’t fit together even if they wanted to. The whole shape has changed.

You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing that we call ‘failure’ is not the falling down, but the staying down.

I’ve always believed that if you don’t stay moving, they will throw dirt on you.

It’s no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn’t even speak to each other if they met at a party.

Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart do not know how to laugh either.

Hearts live by being wounded.

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

I think a spiritual journey is not so much a journey of discovery. It’s a journey of recovery. It’s a journey of uncovering your own inner nature. It’s already there.

Bad days call for foods that are bad for your butt.

What’s broken is broken — and I’d rather remember it as it was than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived.

I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don’t know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I’ll break up with someone on purpose.

Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.

Don’t dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your energies on moving forward toward finding the answer.

Some of us think that holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it’s letting go.

Recovery is something that you have to work on every single day and it’s something that it doesn’t get a day off.

One makes mistakes; that is life. But it is never a mistake to have loved.

I tell you the past is a bucket of ashes, so live not in your yesterdays, no just for tomorrow, but in the here and now. Keep moving and forget the post mortems; and remember, no one can get the jump on the future.

Don’t allow someone not worth it to have the power to occupy your thoughts. If they don’t find you worth the effort or the time, why should you waste yours?

Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with.

What we wait around a lifetime for with one person, we can find in a moment with someone else.

Only time can heal his heart, just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs.

Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have – life itself.

The dreams break into a million tiny pieces. The dream dies. Which leaves you with a choice: you can settle for reality, or you can go off, like a fool, and dream another dream.

Very often a change of self is needed more than a change of scene.

The reality is that changes are coming... They must come. You must share in bringing them.

We must learn to view change as a natural phenomenon - to anticipate it and to plan for it. The future is ours to channel in the direction we want to go... we must continually ask ourselves, "What will happen if...?" or better still, "How can we make it happen?"

When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.

It's never too late - in fiction or in life - to revise.

Change the fabric of your own soul and your own visions and you change all.

It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.

Things do not change; we change.

The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.

Change is hardest at the beginning, messiest in the middle and best at the end.

The one unchangeable certainty is that nothing is certain or unchangeable.

To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.

What is more enthralling to the human mind than this splendid, boundless, coloured mutability! Life in the making?

If you want to change your life, change your mind.

Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.

Change is the watchword of progression. When we tire of well-worn ways, we seek for new. This restless craving in the souls of men spurs them to climb, and to seek the mountain view.